Musings of an Old Chemist

A Chemist's Perspective on the Habits and Skills STEM Students Need For Success

Category: V. Personal Growth

  • Mastering Emotional Intelligence for Personal Growth

    Mastering Emotional Intelligence for Personal Growth

    When we talk about the subject of personal growth, we usually split things into two buckets: “Inner” growth (a growth mindset, self-awareness, and resilience) and “Outer” growth (relationships, communication skills, achievements, and recognition). However, here’s the missing piece in our model: Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the bridge that unites these two separate ideas, preparing you to be successful as a functioning member of society, regardless of your chosen career path. Producing real-world success that people actually notice.

    Emotional Intelligence (EQ) isn’t just about being nice; it is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions while recognizing and acknowledging the feelings of others. If your IQ measures your intelligence or book knowledge, EQ measures your people skills and self-control. It is the connection between thinking and feeling.

    The Four Core Pillars of Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

    Pillar #1: Self-awareness

    In a previous blog post, we defined Self-Awareness as the GPS for our process of personal growth. And it is the absolute starting point for emotional intelligence (EQ). It’s all about understanding your own moods, feelings, what drives you, and how all that affects the people around you. To master this, you need to take an honest look at what you’re good at and what you struggle with, and feel genuinely confident in yourself. The key thing is, a self-aware person doesn’t just feel an emotion; they can actually figure out why they’re feeling frustrated, happy, or stressed. This deep internal check is the groundwork for everything else in emotional intelligence.

    Pillar #2: Self-control

    The second component, self-control (self-management), follows self-awareness. It is crucial for keeping destructive emotions and urges in check, so you can stay calm and collected, even when things get stressful. Think of it as emotional control—it’s that ability to hit the pause button between feeling an impulse and actually doing something about it. This pause allows you to make smart, principled decisions instead of just reacting impulsively or defensively. Self-management includes being flexible, taking initiative, and keeping a positive attitude in order to reach your goals, even when you face roadblocks.

    Common Examples:

    When receiving constructive criticism, someone with low emotional intelligence (EQ) might immediately become defensive, blame someone else for their mistake, or just give the person the silent treatment, which is not helpful. In contrast, a person with high emotional intelligence will pause, acknowledge that the criticism, while it may feel uncomfortable, is justified, and then ask what they need to do to improve, genuinely thanking the person for being honest. 

    When having a “bad day,” a person with low emotional intelligence stressed about a meeting or a deadline, might react by snapping at their parents, spouse, friend, or even someone in a restaurant or store, just because they are in the way. A highly emotionally intelligent response is to recognize the feeling of being overwhelmed and directly tell a partner, “I’m having a ridiculously stressful day and I’m a bit on edge. I need 20 minutes of quiet to de-stress so I don’t accidentally take it out on you.” 

    Pillar #3: Social Awareness

    Social Awareness (Empathy) is the third key ability, which is shifting your focus away from yourself and focusing on others. This crucial skill enables you to sense, understand, and respond well to the emotional needs and concerns of those around you. Often described as being able to “read the room”, it requires you to see things from someone else’s perspective and grasp the mood of the situation. It goes beyond just seeing that someone is upset; strong social awareness helps you to understand why they are feeling that way, which is critical for great relationships and connecting with others.

    For Example:

    During a big disagreement, either at home, school, or at work, a person with low emotional intelligence makes their goal to “win” the argument and prove the other person is wrong. Conversely, a highly emotionally intelligent individual focuses on understanding the other person’s perspective, asking questions like, “Help me out here – why is this so important to you?” because they value the relationship more than being right.

    Pillar #4: Building Relationships

    Building Relationships is the final stage of emotional intelligence. It’s where you combine your emotional intelligence and social skills to manage complicated social situations, inspiring others. This is the top level of emotional intelligence, showing how well you can influence people, get them on board, and help them grow. It covers multiple social and communication skills—things like building trust and connection, communicating your message clearly and powerfully, addressing disagreements without a fight, and promoting change in a variety of settings, at home, school, and work. Bottom line? Relationship Management is about taking what you know about yourself (self-awareness) and what you feel for others (empathy) and turning that into positive interactions with those around you.

    Conclusion

    Emotional intelligence (EQ) is an essential skill for genuine, lasting success. Without it, attempts at inner growth become mere wishful thinking that fails when the pressure mounts. And outer growth results in shallow relationships that lack the trust necessary for long-term progress and achievement. Emotional intelligence links your inner strength to your outer results, establishing a mechanism that accelerates both personal growth and professional success.

  • Mastering STEM: 3 Keys to Success Beyond ‘Natural Genius’

    Mastering STEM: 3 Keys to Success Beyond ‘Natural Genius’

    There’s a persistent myth in Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics (STEM): that success belongs to the “natural genius,” the person who just “gets it.”

    Here’s the truth: Achieving mastery in challenging STEM fields has little to do with some magical, intrinsic gift. It is 100% based on the application of several advanced intellectual and behavioral strategies. Think of it as a complete operating system upgrade for your brain.

    To move beyond the daily struggles and achieve genuine mastery in STEM, you need to commit to these three non-negotiable principles.

    The Power of Modeling

    Social Learning Theory, pioneered by Albert Bandura, shows that a huge part of human learning happens through observing and imitating others. But success isn’t about emulation (or copying) a single skill; it’s about modeling a complete system.

    To succeed, you must actively observe and adopt the entire package of skills and habits from those who have already achieved high levels of success. For example:

    • Advanced Technical Skills: How do experts and mentors break down a complex problem? Learn their analytical approaches.
    • Powerful Work Ethic: Look at how they meticulously structure their study schedules, their uncompromising standards for quality, and their consistent effort.
    • Powerful, Positive Mindset: How do they view failure? It’s purely objective, instructive data—nothing more.

    Take action, stop focusing solely on the textbook content. Start noting the process of your most successful peers or mentors. How do they organize? When and how do they study? How do they handle a major setback? You want to copy and implement a system, not just learn content knowledge.

    Escaping the “Developmental Trap.”

    A massive barrier to our progress is what is called the “developmental trap.” This is when you inadvertently become rooted in ineffective behavioral patterns that feel comfortable but sabotage your future.

    Are you chronically procrastinating? Do you find fault in everything you do, seeing only the negative outcomes, which paralyzes you from even starting? Are you habitually unclear about your goals and intentions, or vague in your communication with your fellow students/teachers/professors? These are self-sabotaging habits.

    To break free, you must perform a conscious, honest self-assessment and start developing and exercising your self-awareness skills.

    Follow-up on your self-assessment by:

    • Installing these productive habits: Resilience (bouncing back from setbacks with renewed effort) and a rigorous work ethic (getting things done with uncompromising quality and efficiency).
    • Discard low-return behaviors: Self-incrimination, self-doubt, and negativity.

    Over time, your relentless effort will help create a powerful “internal compass.” Your motivation shifts from the temporary need for external validation (a good grade, a compliment) to an intrinsic drive—a non-negotiable, standard you’ve set for quality and thoroughness that you must meet, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

    Prioritize the Process Over the Score

    The final, and perhaps most crucial, mental adjustment is letting go of the destructive notion that you must achieve absolute, flaw-free perfection. That ideal is unattainable and will only lead to burnout.

    The successful STEM student must value the process of learning and discovery over the final numerical score or grade.

    When an experiment fails, a line of code breaks, or you get a subpar result on a quiz, how you react must change. Don’t view it as a “mess-up” or that you don’t have what it takes to “make it.” Instead, you must treat it as a starting point from which you learn and progress.

    This data is essential for:

    1. Precisely identifying your weaknesses.
    2. Fine-tuning your approach to solving the problem or issue.
    3. Educating you for the design of your future, a more refined attempt.

    This mental shift is life-changing. It moves your focus from avoiding mistakes (a fear-based approach) to maximizing learning effectiveness (a growth-based approach.)

    Summary

    In the demanding world of STEM, setbacks—from experimental failures to complex problem-solving roadblocks and challenging coursework—are a daily certainty. Therefore, the single most critical factor for your long-term success and ultimate perseverance is your ability to effectively manage and recalibrate your expectations.

    Really successful STEM students ditch the idea that they have to be absolutely perfect. They focus more on consistently putting in the hard work and sticking closely to the process (understanding the “why” and the “how”), instead of getting hung up on immediate, flawless results. This mindset change is a huge win: it means they stop seeing mistakes as a huge personal flaw and start seeing them as valuable, objective data—the stuff you need for real learning, figuring out new strategies, and improving down the line. In the end, this shift turns anxiety into a powerful tool for growth.

  • Creative Problem-Solving: Answering the Question “What if?: Curiosity, Imagination, and Thinking Outside the Box (Divergent Thinking)

    Creative Problem-Solving: Answering the Question “What if?: Curiosity, Imagination, and Thinking Outside the Box (Divergent Thinking)

    To have a great idea, have a lot of them.

    – Thomas A. Edison

    The Three Components of Creative Problem-Solving

    What truly distinguishes exceptional STEM students? It’s not just intelligence. To be a truly innovative and successful STEM student, you need to cultivate three interconnected and critical elements: curiosity, imagination, and thinking outside the box (divergent thinking). While distinct, these form a dynamic trio essential for creative problem-solving. 

    Creative problem-solving relies on these three key components. One (curiosity) is a fundamental personality trait, while the other two (imagination and thinking outside the box) are powerful, learnable abilities built upon that foundation.

    Curiosity

    Average vs Exceptional

    The average student often limits their academic efforts to merely meeting teacher requirements: learning formulas, adhering to instructions, and practicing assigned problems to achieve satisfactory grades. Their involvement typically ceases once an assignment is submitted, a behavior frequently termed “memorization and regurgitation.” This refers to the practice of recalling and repeating information without true comprehension or lasting retention.

    Exceptional students are driven by curiosity; they focus on comprehension, asking “why” and “what if” questions. They seek to understand the mechanics of a formula, its interconnections with other scientific fields of study, and the outcomes that happen when they change the variables.

    Curiosity is the internal drive or impulse that initiates our creative process. It is our most fundamental and inherent trait—as an aspect of our personality often linked to being open to new ideas and experiences. It’s the desire to know how and why things work, to seek innovation, and to identify gaps in our current understanding, prompting questions like “Why?” and “What if?”  When confronted with a problem, curiosity pushes you beyond simple, established answers, providing the motivation to engage and explore the unknown.

     This pursuit isn’t solely about “acing” tests; it’s a genuine desire for comprehension, which makes learning both exciting and increases retention of information. Grades are valuable, but curiosity impacts your future to a greater extent. Curiosity transforms learning into an intrinsic process, making it far more powerful and sustainable than the extrinsic motivation of grades. It compels you to explore beyond textbooks and to persevere with complex problems long after average students have given up.

    Imagination 

    Imagination acts as the link, connecting your curiosity to your ability to think outside the box. It is your brain’s internal workshop – a powerful and developable skill where you generate ideas, concepts, or scenarios that don’t yet exist. This is where you start generating possibilities. You take what you already know and combine or recombine elements in new ways. 

    While the capacity for imagination is intrinsic, its quality and effectiveness are developed through learning, experience, and practice. As we accumulate knowledge, our imagination becomes richer, enabling us to combine elements in more complex and novel ways. It helps you answer: “What could a solution look like?” Imagination visualizes the innovative, non-standard goals that lead to breakthroughs.

    Think of it like this: If you were inventing a new gadget, imagination is you mentally seeing that gadget in action, picturing its features, or even spotting potential improvements before you even sketch it out. It’s when your “What if?” question truly starts to take shape! It is the mental simulation that allows you to see the product in use, predict how it might break, or envision a better design before a single piece of metal is cut. It is the “What if?” realized.

    Thinking Outside the Box (Divergent Thinking)

    Convergent vs Divergent Thinking

    Convergent thinking is crucial for problem-solving; it’s about finding that single correct answer, often by following established steps. However, to truly innovate and push the boundaries of knowledge, divergent thinking is essential. 

    Divergent thinking, often called “thinking outside the box,” is a vital and learnable skill for creative problem-solving. It involves systematically moving beyond a single imaginative possibility to generate many varied and often unconventional solutions. For instance, while imagination might foresee a car that runs on water, divergent thinking would brainstorm 50 different mechanisms—such as electrolysis, hydrogen capture, or steam power—that could potentially make that vision a reality.

    While the average student excels at convergent thinking (finding the single correct answer using established methods), the exceptional student leverages divergent thinking to address unfamiliar problems, hypothesize new connections, and push the boundaries of knowledge. This is where innovation happens.

    Thinking Outside the Box (divergent thinking) is a skill you can learn. It’s all about being creative in your thinking and getting in some practice, like trying brainstorming. This helps you to develop a system where you come up with tons of different, new solutions – showing off your content mastery, flexibility, and originality. Try thinking of every problem as a puzzle to solve. It’s essentially asking, “How many different ways can we make this work?” and then quickly generating a bunch of diverse, unconventional, and possible options. Finally, you try to implement those imaginative ideas and turn them into solid steps or solutions for testing or implementing your ideas.

    Personal Commentary: Two Real-life examples

    Since retiring, I’ve dedicated myself to two main passions: gardening and assisting family members with their electronic devices, whether it’s installing new televisions or troubleshooting computer issues.

    When it comes to gardening, I’ve noticed that many gardeners simply follow seed packet instructions and use the same soil mix year after year. If a plant doesn’t thrive, they often blame a “brown thumb” or the weather, sticking to conventional methods.

    However, my goal is to become a master gardener. I’m deeply committed to researching soil science, meticulously tracking the microclimates within my raised beds, and experimenting with companion planting. I view a struggling plant as a puzzle to solve. I’ll test and adjust the soil composition, fine-tune its pH, or even construct a custom cold frame. By leveraging research and divergent thinking, I’ll integrate chemistry and construction to boost my garden’s yield and deepen my understanding.

    When my family and friends encounter issues with their electronic devices, I’ve observed a common tendency: they often consult installation instructions and rarely attempt to troubleshoot problems independently or consider unconventional solutions. While they can resolve straightforward issues, they tend to give up when standard steps prove ineffective.

    In contrast, when faced with a computer or electronic device problem, my curiosity drives me to delve into user forums and perform internet searches. I’m not just seeking a solution; I’m driven to understand the root cause of the issue and how to prevent it. My approach goes beyond merely fixing the problem; I want to comprehend why the failure occurred. This involves using divergent thinking to connect various hardware failures and device programming issues I’ve seen in the past, and asking the question “What if?”, to devise and implement a solution. By making the extra effort to learn and understand an issue, I can effectively explain the solution to my family, teach them how to recognize the problem should it arise again, and enable them to either avoid it or, in a worst-case scenario, correct it themselves without my help in the future.

    Conclusion

    These three components—curiosity, imagination, and thinking outside the box—are the driving force behind answering the question “What if?” Curiosity motivates you to investigate, imagination reveals what’s possible, and divergent thinking equips you with the methods to bring those possibilities to fruition.

    Curiosity compels you to challenge the status quo, prompting the question: “What if we tried something different?” Imagination then allows you to envision: “That ‘something different’ could look like this.” Finally, divergent thinking offers the various approaches: “Here are fifty different ways to achieve that ‘something different.’”

    For high school STEM students, developing curiosity, fostering imagination, and practicing divergent thinking are crucial skills. These are the foundations that will enable you to become the next generation of innovators and problem-solvers. 

  • Weekly Quotation: November, 7, 2025: Life is More Than This Moment

    Weekly Quotation: November, 7, 2025: Life is More Than This Moment

    For your consideration:

    Don’t let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.

    – Richard L. Evans

    In 1988, I made a difficult decision to leave a job I loved as a Technical Support Engineer for Hewlett-Packard Co.’s Advanced Chemical Systems R&D group in Avondale, PA. My wife and her family wanted us to return to Louisville, KY, and I complied, despite having no job lined up and feeling utterly defeated. My work at H.P. was not only my passion but also a significant part of my self-worth.

    Eventually, I found employment in Louisville as a GC/MS chemist in LabCorp’s toxicology department. Over time, I rediscovered my passion in a completely different area of chemistry. My perspective on life shifted from second-guessing my decision to leave H.P. to a renewed sense of belonging and purpose, albeit in a new environment.

    My journey through multiple career changes, though often painful, has been a significant part of my growth. Now, at 67, I see these experiences as instrumental in shaping me into the person I am meant to be, right here, right now.

    We all share in the experience of personal growth. Life is a journey that extends beyond any single moment. We will inevitably face decisions or setbacks that affect us emotionally, socially, or professionally. Through these obstacles and mistakes, we learn to persevere. Every experience, good or bad, contributes to our future selves. We can choose to regret the past, or we can recognize that those decisions have shaped who we are today.

  • The Personal Growth/Chemical Reaction Analogy

    The Personal Growth/Chemical Reaction Analogy

    Key Concepts 

    Key Concept Number One: The Law of Conservation of Energy

    The law of conservation of energy applies directly to our campfire analogy by stating that all the chemical potential energy stored in the wood must be accounted for after it burns—it doesn’t just disappear, it’s simply transformed into different forms. The total energy of the heat, light, and the chemical bonds of all the byproducts is equal to the original chemical potential energy stored in the wood. No energy is lost; it has just been converted.

    In our discussion of the process of personal growth, the conservation of energy also applies. The personal energy we invest in the process — our time, focus, and emotion — is finite and must be transformed into something: either a product (your desired outcome of success) or byproducts (either intended (positive) or unintended (negative) emotional or psychological consequences of the process).

    Key Concept Number Two: The Definition and Role of an Indicator

    An Indicator in our chemical reaction/personal growth analogy is a measurable, observable, and immediate sign that the reaction mechanism is proceeding effectively and that the energy input (activation energy) is being successfully converted into the desired products. Essentially, it tells you if and how well the process is working.

    The indicator in our campfire analogy is a sustained flame producing heat and light. This is the visual and thermal evidence that the wood’s stored chemical energy is successfully converting into usable thermal and radiant energy (Heat and Light). It immediately informs us that the Activation Energy (the match/lighter) was successful and the Reaction Mechanism (the burning of the reactants) is self-sustaining.

    In the process of personal growth, self-awareness acts as an indicator. It is the ability to recognize and reflect on the state of our emotions, how effective we are in our learning process (informing us if our study habits/self-discipline are effective), and understand our behaviors. Without self-awareness, personal growth becomes a random and inefficient endeavor. It’s like “throwing ideas up against the wall to see what sticks,” a process that lacks crucial elements. This leads to a frustrating trial-and-error approach, wasting valuable time and energy.

    Therefore, self-awareness is the foundational component of our personal growth, enabling us to identify and appreciate new skills, confidence, and competence as they emerge. Simultaneously, self-awareness is crucial for detecting and managing negative byproducts like stress, frustration, or burnout, preventing them from halting the entire growth process.

    Breaking Down the Components of Our Campfire vs Personal Growth Analogy

    Let’s define start by defining our chemical reaction process as the following:

    Reactants + Catalyst + Activation Energy – Initiates – Reaction Mechanism – Yields – Products + Byproducts

    Supplies 

    What items in the campfire example or which skills in the case of personal growth, do we need to accumulate before starting each process?

    For the campfire analogy, we need: paper and kindling (small twigs and branches) to get the fire started, larger pieces of wood (logs) to serve as the fuel, and matches or a lighter to introduce heat to ignite the flame.

    Personal growth demands a combination of essential resources and skills. Essential supplies include strong communication, critical thinking, and time management skills. Additionally, we need an inherent sense of personal accountability and access to various resources such as time, money, and mentors. Information resources, whether online, textbooks, or coursework, are also crucial. Finally, a secure and supportive environment is vital for this process.

    Personal Commentary – The Importance of a Safe, Secure, and Supportive Environment

    During my tine teaching middle school science, I was mentored by a teacher who advocated for a pass/fail grading policy for students during their middle school years, grades 6-8. He believed that the significant emotional and developmental changes experienced by students aged 12-15 made it more important to focus on building essential communication, study, time management and critical thinking skills rather than pressuring them with specific grade requirements. He also pointed out the growing number of students facing poverty, living in single-parent homes, living in fear of abuse, and dealing with various crises, leading to a lack of sufficient rest, parental support, and proper nutrition. Citing Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs theory, he argued that these stressors needed to be addressed before students could be expected to achieve academic excellence in the classroom.

    Reactants (Campfire vs the Process of Personal Growth Analogy)

    For our campfire analogy, the reactants are straightforward; they consist of wood (fuel), which is the source of stored potential energy, and oxygen.

    Personal growth is fueled by key personality traits. These “reactants” include creativity, an open-mindedness to new ideas, a passion for learning and problem-solving, and the crucial ability to persevere through obstacles.

    Indicators

    In the campfire analogy, the sustained flame’s heat and light serve as the indicator, visually confirming the reaction is occurring and progressing.

    Self-awareness serves as a crucial metric for our dedication to personal growth. This dedication is shaped by our curiosity, persistence, and the joy we experience from the process, As lifelong learners, our progress in these areas can be measured through our academic or career achievements.

    Activation Energy

    In the campfire analogy, the initial heat needed to ignite the paper or kindling acts as the activation energy for the combustion reaction. This reaction involves the burning of fuel (wood) in the presence of oxygen, which produces heat and light. A flame from a lighter or matches provides this initial activation energy, initiating the reaction. Once started, the heat generated by the burning wood sustains the reaction, causing subsequent additions of fuel to ignite.

    Personal growth begins with activation energy—our initial investment of effort, time, and focus. This crucial first step helps us overcome our reluctance to start new projects, defeat self-doubt, and combat our natural inertia, our resistance towards change. It requires aligning our personal goals with both our internal motivations, our drive to engage in an activity purely for the inherent pleasure, satisfaction, or challenge it provides, and external motivations, our drive to perform an activity in order to achieve rewards, praise, money, grades, status, or to avoid negative consequences (like failing a class, being grounded, or later in life, getting fired from our job).

    Catalysts

    (Important: by definition,a catalyst is never used up or depleted in the reaction process.)

    If you have ever had to build a campfire you may recognize this catalyst in the campfire analogy, it is the absolute dependence on the flow of air around and through the campfire itself. This airflow is the mechanism that speed up the process of burning, providing access to the oxygen crucial to the combustion process.  

    Personal growth is driven by catalysts, which include the foundational steps of the personal growth “building” we discussed in a previous blog post, our dreams, aspirations, and goals. These are combined with both intrinsic expectations (how we expect ourselves to progress) and extrinsic expectations (the expectations of family and others) to propel us forward in our personal growth journey.

    Reaction Mechanism

    In chemistry, a reaction mechanism is the step-by-step sequence of elementary reactions that leads from reactants to products. It’s the detailed path the reaction takes. When we apply this to personal growth, the reaction mechanism is not a single, fixed procedure but a continuous, self-correcting process.

    In our campfire analogy, the reaction process is a combustion reaction, the process of combining fuel and oxygen with the activation energy provided by the match or a lighter, to initiate a chemical reaction that produces heat and light as products.

    Personal growth is a journey towards a goal or personal transformation, much like a chemical reaction. It involves a methodical process of learning, similar to the scientific method, where knowledge is gained and applied through observation. This leads to the development of strategies, which are then implemented through habits, discipline, and focus to transform effort into skill. Ultimately, this process enables us to identify and conquer obstacles.

    Products

    We define a product as the desired output of a process, or the desired outcome of success.

    In the campfire analogy, the products are heat (thermal energy) and light.

    The desired outcome of personal growth is multifaceted, encompassing skills and competencies, such as mastering a trade, or individual definitions of success, like a specific title or salary. Ultimately, however, I would argue, we should strive in the long-term to gain in wisdom.

    Byproducts

    A campfire’s combustion reaction produces unintended and undesirable byproducts: ashes, which are mineral waste, and smoke, a form of air pollution consisting of uncombusted particles.

    Our personal growth journey, unlike a chemical reaction, yields byproducts that can be either positive or negative, depending on the nature of the growth itself. When we engage in what we call “exothermic growth,” our investment of personal energy results in a positive return or outcome. This beneficial growth produces desirable byproducts such as compassion, critical thinking skills, humility, and resiliency.

    Conversely, “endothermic growth” occurs when we invest more personal energy than we receive in return. This imbalance can lead to negative, unintended emotional or psychological consequences, including anxiety, burnout, fear, frustration, and stress.

    Therefore, self-awareness is crucial. It enables us to identify and prioritize rewarding, exothermic activities while simultaneously recognizing and minimizing endothermic activities that drain our personal energy and are misaligned with our personal goals and ambitions.

    Conclusion

    In conclusion, just like a well-tended campfire provides warmth and light, a mindful approach to personal growth can yield profound and lasting benefits. By understanding the “chemistry” of our own development—recognizing the needed components, our supplies, reactants, and the crucial role of activation energy and catalysts—we can more effectively guide our journey. Cultivating self-awareness allows us to prioritize “exothermic growth” and minimize the less desirable “endothermic” byproducts, ensuring our personal evolution is not only productive but also sustainable and deeply rewarding.

  • Personal Growth as a Series of Energy Transformations

    Personal Growth as a Series of Energy Transformations

    The Law of Conservation of Energy

    Have you ever felt completely drained after a project, even a successful one? Or, conversely, felt energized and alive after tackling a difficult challenge? The reason for this might be found in a fundamental law of the universe: the conservation of energy.

    The law of conservation of energy states that energy cannot be created or destroyed; it can only be transformed from one form to another. The principle of conservation of energy absolutely applies to the process of your personal growth. You can’t get energy out without putting energy in.

    In our chemical reaction analogy for personal growth, this principle is foundational. It means that the personal energy you have is a finite resource that must be accounted for. It can’t simply disappear.

    We can view our personal growth as a series of energy transformations. In this model, you are the most precious resource you have—your personal energy. Personal growth requires an investment of personal energy—your time, effort, focus, and emotional commitment—to initiate and sustain a change. The outcome you get is a direct result of this transformation.

    The key to living the life you desire isn’t about finding more energy; it’s about choosing where to invest the energy you have.

    Exothermic Personal Growth

    An exothermic reaction is one that releases more energy than it takes to get started. Think of a campfire: you invest a small amount of energy to light a match, but the fire then releases a much greater amount of heat and light. 

    Exothermic personal growth is a process that provides a net gain. In a highly efficient “reaction,” your invested energy is transformed into a net gain of new, positive energy. This is the ideal. It’s a process where your small, intentional investment of personal energy leads to a large and rewarding release of positive energy. 

    For example, the challenging work of learning a new skill that brings you joy, taking on a difficult but meaningful project, having a deep, honest conversation with your friend. These actions require effort, but the feeling of accomplishment, connection, and confidence you get in return is a powerful surplus. The emotional reward is far greater than the initial effort.

    Endothermic Personal Growth 

    An endothermic reaction is one that absorbs energy from its surroundings. Think of a chemical cold pack: it needs to absorb energy from the environment to become cold. The process leaves the surroundings with less energy. In a draining “reaction,” your energy is transformed into by-products like stress, frustration, and burnout. You put in a great amount of personal energy, but because the process is inefficient or misaligned with your goals, you are left feeling drained and with a net loss of energy.

    It’s when you are constantly investing a large amount of personal energy into a process or relationship, with very little emotional or mental energy being returned. This could be staying in a job that makes you miserable for too long, trying to earn the approval of someone who constantly criticizes you, or pursuing a goal out of obligation, not because you’re passionate about it. These are processes that leave you feeling drained. The energy you invest is not returned to you, or the products of the “reaction” aren’t worth the cost.

    Key Understanding

    In this analogy, you are the “chemist” of your own life. You can’t create more energy, but you can choose where to direct the energy you have. Your goal is to design a life filled with reactions where a small investment of intentional effort yields a significant release of personal energy, making the entire growth process both powerful and sustainable. To identify and pursue the exothermic reactions that fill you up and provide momentum for the next challenge. Just as importantly, you must recognize and minimize the endothermic reactions that drain your most precious resource: your personal energy.

    Personal Commentary: The Importance of Self-awareness

    I’m a perfect example of how the benefits of exothermic personal growth, such as accomplishment and confidence, can lead to negative outcomes. For much of my life, I have made the most of my God-given intelligence and my ability to grasp and explain complex concepts, gaining recognition and self-confidence. However, as this recognition grew, my self-confidence transformed into arrogance. I stopped recognizing and acknowledging my weaknesses, believing my way the the best or only way and that I no longer needed others’ help. This led me to forge ahead alone, alienating people and ultimately causing my failure. The very processes that were initially energizing became draining, leading to frustration, resentment, and the abandonment of those career paths.

    At the time, I blamed others for my setbacks. Now, with age, wisdom, and a new perspective, I realize I was my own worst enemy. This highlights the critical importance of self-awareness in navigating our lives. It shapes our perspective, ensuring we neither waste our energy nor allow positive, personal growth to become a long-term detriment. Self-awareness is the key to developing our action plan, the specific steps and habits we need to follow, the “procedure” in our chemical reaction analogy of personal growth. 

  • Step-by-Step Procedure for Personal Growth

    Step-by-Step Procedure for Personal Growth

    The key to a successful analysis or experiment is a detailed procedure to follow. First, it provides a list of all the key starting materials you need to gather, along with the quantities of each. Then step-by-step instructions on how to combine these materials. Then details regarding under what conditions the reaction mechanism drives the reaction process to its completion, resulting in the product or products you desire. A quality procedure also lists the byproducts that a reaction process may produce. And finally, a section on sources of error, a detailed description of possible errors that can be made, and the effect of these mistakes on the reaction process, and which products or byproducts are produced.

    I can attest to the fact that writing a quality procedure is a challenging task. I’ve drafted my share of procedures in my career, and I’ve found that it requires extensive hands-on experience performing the chemical reaction process and an in-depth understanding of how each step of the procedure contributes to the overall desired result. More importantly, I found that the sources of error section is the most difficult section to write. Luckily, I was blessed to have college professors whose primary focus was on the documentation of every possible source of error in every experiment we performed and on every lab report we prepared in our advanced chemistry and physics courses.

    Commentary

    So, how does this concept of a detailed procedure apply in our chemical reaction analogy of personal growth? I can honestly say there were points in my life that I had no idea what I was supposed to do, what decision to make, what path to follow.  I wished I had had a detailed procedure to follow, a document that told me what decisions I should make, and when, to obtain the goals, and the success I was seeking. A set of step-by-step instructions defining what skills and traits I needed to possess, and the decisions I needed to make. And more importantly, I could’ve used a sources of error section that identified what mistakes I might make, describing how to, if not avoid them, deal with them constructively and not get sidetracked on my journey. 

    But, as I have learned and become painfully aware of at times, there is no one universal set of instructions we can follow for personal success. While there are plenty of books written on the subject, not one is universally applicable to each of us, with our individual personality traits, gifts, dreams, and aspirations.

    Creating Your Procedure for Personal Growth

    You cannot find a procedure tailored personally for you in a blog, book, or video; you produce it. It’s not a set of instructions someone else has written for your life. Instead, you create it with a combination of self-assessment and a growth mindset, the understanding that there is always more you can learn.

    Step One: Self-assessment

    To begin, you need to develop an awareness of the starting materials component for your personal growth procedure through honest self-assessment –  identifying your strengths, weaknesses, motivations, and natural tendencies (how you react in different situations). This is the initial observation stage, much like in the Scientific Method. 

    Continue to ask yourself: “What have I done in the past that’s worked for me?”, “What approach or actions to address challenges or concerns feels natural to me?”, and “What habits, good and bad, do I tend to fall into?” This self-assessment ensures your approach is personalized and realistic.  Following a generic procedure that works for someone else might produce a result in you that leaves you feeling emotionally, mentally, or physically drained.

    Remember that this journey is yours, and yours alone.

    Step Two: Utilizing a Growth Mindset

    Once you’ve identified your core starting materials, turn your attention outward. See how others have achieved similar goals. Dive into books and articles about what you’re interested in. Find mentors who have already done what you want to do, ask for their input, seek their instruction. And, try to learn from their successes and failures. Figure out what works for them and then make it your own.

    Perfecting Your Procedure: The Scientific Method

    You don’t know what to do at the beginning; you discover it. Your procedure for personal growth is not something you are handed at the beginning of your journey. Instead, your initial procedure is a hypothesis – a best guess based on your self-awareness and research. Through the process of experimentation, analysis, and revision, you refine that hypothesis. The final, tested and proven procedure is the culmination of your observation and learning. It represents the wisdom and practical knowledge you’ve gained from the entire process.

    Your  “procedure”  is not a fixed set of instructions; it is dynamic and constantly changing. As you learn more about yourself and the world around you, your procedure must adapt to who you are and your unique situation at each stage of your personal growth. What works for you today may not be what you need a year from now. Your procedure adapts as you gain new insights, as your world changes, and as your goals evolve.

    This is the power of applying the scientific method to your life: you are constantly running small experiments, collecting data on your results, and refining your methods for the next reiteration. It’s a continuous, cyclical process of learning and adaptation. Your journey of personal growth is ever-evolving; each day brings with it new challenges. Personal growth dictates that who we are today is different than who we were yesterday, and hopefully, tomorrow we will be better than we are today.

  • Unlocking Your Personal Growth: Motivations and Expectations

    Unlocking Your Personal Growth: Motivations and Expectations

    Throughout our lives, we are constantly asked, “What do you want to do?” “What are your goals?” and “What do you expect to achieve?” These aren’t just questions in a job interview or at a parent-teacher conference; they are at the heart of our motivations and expectations.

    Motivations: The Source of Your Personal Growth Blueprint

    Motivations are the “why” behind your work. Think of them as the desire that inspires you as the architect of your personal growth —the deep, personal reasons you to start your personal growth journey in the first place.

    Why do you wake up every morning and choose to work hard? Is it to solve a problem that fascinates you, to help others, for financial security, or to gain recognition? The reasons we tackle any task are our motivations. Knowing what truly motivates you is the difference between building a life that fulfills you and simply going through the motions. Without understanding your motivations, you risk creating a blueprint that someone else designed for you, leaving you feeling empty even after you’ve “finished” the job. Your motivations are your fuel. They provide the passion and perseverance necessary to overcome challenges and bring a vision to life.

    Intrinsic Motivation

    Intrinsic motivation is deeply personal and originates from within us. It is a dynamic force that drives us to participate in activities simply for the joy and satisfaction they bring. This type of motivation is closely tied to our dreams and aspirations. It is what pushes us to achieve personal goals, pursue our passions, and continuously work to improve ourselves. When you’re driven by what you truly want and value, not just other people’s demands, you feel in control and that you’re making your own choices.

    Extrinsic Motivation

    On the other hand, extrinsic motivation comes from outside influences and the rewards they offer. You do the activity not because you enjoy it, but because of what you’ll get from it, whether that’s something you can touch or something less tangible. These benefits could include things like grades, praise, recognition, money, or social status. While extrinsic motivation can be a useful tool for achieving specific goals, it is important to recognize that it can also have its limitations. If we completely rely on extrinsic motivation, not on our desires and expectations, it can leave us feeling unsatisfied, empty, even though we have achieved the benefits we were seeking.

    How They Relate to Each Other

    What really drives us comes from both intrinsic and extrinsic motivations. We might do things just because they make us feel good or because we’re curious (that’s intrinsic). Or, we might do things for external reasons, like getting a bonus or to get an “A” on a report card (that’s extrinsic). Usually, it’s a mix of both. Take getting a master’s degree, for instance, you might want the opportunity to learn and grow (intrinsic), but you may also think about the better job opportunities the degree provides and the more money you can make (extrinsic).

    Striking a balance between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation is often the key to achieving long-term success and happiness. While external rewards can provide a temporary boost, it is the internal drive and passion that sustains us over time. It is important to cultivate your intrinsic motivation by identifying activities that you genuinely enjoy and find meaningful. This may involve exploring our interests, discovering your passions, and setting personal goals that align with your values.

    To truly understand our motivations, we must also practice the art of self-reflection. This means asking yourself tough questions about what drives you, what rewards are you seeking, and if your motivations align with your fundamental values. As you grow, your motivations change, so it’s an ongoing process. You’ll need to regularly check if what drives you still aligns with your goals and helps you feel good overall.

    When we get to know ourselves better and understand what really motivates us, we can make smarter decisions, set goals that truly matter, and live a life that feels more deliberate and fulfilling. Just remember, real motivation comes from within, and that inner drive is what helps us reach our full potential.

    Expectations: The Specifications of Your Personal Growth Blueprint

    While motivations explain the “why,” expectations clarify the “what” and “how much,” serving as precise specifications on a blueprint. Expectations come from two sources: external expectations, which are standards set by others, like our parents’ expectations for us or a boss’s performance objectives, which represents what the world anticipates from you. Internal expectations, which are the standards you impose on yourself, such as desired grades, work quality, or personal values, representing the standards you uphold for yourself.

    As the architect of your personal growth, you must be keenly aware of both. You cannot build a solid structure without a clear plan. Your expectations provide the necessary direction and the measurable goals that turn your motivations into real actions.

    External Motivations

    Throughout our lives, external expectations are placed upon us by others. During childhood and our teenage years, these expectations primarily come from parents and teachers, who set standards for how well we do in school, our behavior, and how we act in social settings. As we enter adulthood, the sources of external expectations broaden to include employers, people we work with, friends, partners, and society in general. These can include a wide range of areas, such as our career success, being stable financially, our relationships, and meeting society’s expectations.

    It’s great to get guidance and motivation from others, but remember that what others expect isn’t always what we really want or value. Trying to make everyone happy can leave you feeling overwhelmed, not good enough, and like you’ve lost control. It’s important to figure out which external expectations are worth chasing and which ones you should politely pass on, always putting your own well-being and personal growth first.

    Internal Expectations

    Our internal expectations originate from our personal values, goals, and aspirations, reflecting our beliefs about our capabilities. These internal expectations span various aspects of life, including personal growth, career success, healthy living, our relationships, and our creative pursuits. While they can be a powerful motivator, driving us to excel, it’s vital that that our internal expectations remain realistic.

    Let’s be honest, most of us, myself included, have at some point in our lives created unrealistic expectations about how quickly we should be able to master something – studying for an exam, getting a promotion, completing a training course. Perhaps it’s “I expect to be paid ‘x’ number of dollars for working as a (fill in the blank) because they’re lucky to have me.” Or, “I shouldn’t have to start at the bottom and work my way up, because they’re lucky to have me.”

    Unattainable standards or expecting instant success can lead to frustration and a sense of failure. It is crucial to be patient with yourself, practice self-compassion, acknowledge that progress requires time and effort, remember to embrace a growth mindset, and celebrate minor achievements to keep motivated.

    How They Relate to Each Other

    What we expect from ourselves often comes from outside sources like what society tells us, educational standards, and seeing what other people have achieved. It’s important to know yourself and your aspirations, and consider just where these expectations come from. Do they actually fit with what we value and love, or are we just trying to please others and get their approval?

    How we feel about ourselves, our self-worth, and self-esteem really gets shaped by a combination of what we expect of ourselves and what others expect of us. When we meet or even go beyond those expectations, it feels great. But if we miss the mark, it can lead to feeling down, ashamed, or just not good enough.

    Remember that your value as a person isn’t tied to always meeting every expectation, whether it’s something we put on ourselves or something someone else expects. You’re growing and changing all the time, and hitting roadblocks or messing up is just part of the deal. By being kind to yourself, accepting who you are, and focusing on what truly drives you from the inside, you can build a strong sense of self-worth that will stick with you, no matter what others think or how much pressure we feel.

    The Role of Our Aspirations

    Knowing what you want, your aspirations, is key to setting your own expectations. When your expectations come from inside you, they lead to lasting happiness. But if they’re just based on what others think, that happiness won’t stick around. To find balance, make sure your goals match your aspirations, what you truly important to you. Be proud of what you achieve, even if no one else is cheering, and be kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned. Always put your values, passions, and goals first.

    Motivations, Expectations, and Your Blueprint for Personal Growth

    The true strength of motivations and expectations is how they interact with each other. Motivations provide vision and energy, while expectations offer the set of instructions on our blueprint for personal growth.

    Personal growth occurs when your internal motivations are in harmony with your chosen expectations. This alignment is key to truly designing your growth blueprint. For example, if you love helping people, you might volunteer or work in public service. Or, if you’re motivated to become an expert, you’ll naturally keep learning and improving your skills.

    Remember, in the end, life is not just about ticking off a bunch of external boxes on a to-do list. It’s about really understanding what drives you and then picking goals that help you build a life that feels truly meaningful and personal.

  • Navigating Expectations for Personal Growth

    Navigating Expectations for Personal Growth

    Imagine trying to build a house, but everyone around you has a different blueprint for what it should look like. That’s often what personal growth feels like. Our parents, teachers, mentors, bosses – each brings their own blueprint, their own vision for our success. We often feel like our lives are a reaction to what others want from us. They tell us what we “should” do, what we “could” become, and what they “expect” from us. These figures in our lives have their own perspectives, their unique viewpoint, shaped by their experiences, beliefs, values, and career paths. For example, a parent’s perspective on your career might be shaped by their own experiences with financial matters or their view on traditional career opportunities. And their expectations for us often stem from their motivations (e.g., love, a desire for our success, ot perhaps their unfulfilled dreams, or their understanding of “what works”).

    Yet, the story of our success – or our struggle – isn’t decided solely by these external expectations. It’s profoundly shaped by the intricate connection between their perspective, our perception of that perspective, the expectations that emerge, and ultimately, our motivation to meet (or redefine) them. 

    Perception is how you interpret or make sense of what you see, hear, or experience. It’s your internal processing of information received. So, while your parent has a perspective on your career, your perception of their advice might be that it’s supportive, or controlling, or outdated, depending on your internal filters. It’s how you receive and understand something based on your unique emotional viewpoint.

    If we see these expectations as fair, supportive, and in line with our dreams, for example: “They care about me,” “This expectation is good for my growth.” We’re more likely to accept and respect them. This positive outlook can then really motivate us, inspiring us to work towards meeting those expectations and reaching shared goals. 

    On the flip side, if we see these expectations as unfair, unrealistic, or manipulative, for example:  “They’re being unfair,” “They don’t understand me”, our reaction can be totally different. Such a negative view can lead to feeling resentful, like we’re being controlled, and ultimately, a lack of motivation. In these cases, what started as an external push for our personal growth can turn into an emotional barrier, holding us back and making us feel unsatisfied. 

    Several other factors influence our ability to perceive, interpret, and respond to external expectations:

    Our self-perception, which includes our self-esteem, confidence, and past successes or failures, significantly filters these expectations. For instance, having low self-esteem can cause even positive expectations to feel like criticism or an unachievable burden.

    The timing and our stage of personal growth also play a crucial role. An expectation that might be welcomed at one point in life could be resented at another, depending on our maturity, the context, and other life circumstances.

    Finally, how expectations are communicated is crucial. A dictatorial approach (“You must do this my way,” or “Because I told you so.”) will be perceived very differently than a supportive conversation, drastically altering our reception of external expectations.

    This complex relationship between perspective, perception, expectation, and motivation is the very foundation upon which we build our future, layer by layer, brick by self-chosen brick. In a world full of blueprints laid out by others, understanding how these four elements collide within us is the secret to becoming the true architect of our personal growth building.

    Personal Commentary

    A common theme that I heard during the time I was tutoring students, and even from my grandchildren when talking with them about their classes, was their perception of their teachers and their teacher’s expectations for them.. It seemed that if their teacher’s expectations required them to follow strict guidelines as far as classroom behavior, no talking or no cell phones, for example, or the timely submission of homework to receive full credit, then the teacher was being “mean.” And, I imagine the same concept applied when our parents said we had a certain curfew and they held us accountable when we were home late; were they being “mean”? If we had a brother or sister who got to do something that we weren’t allowed to do because they were older or there were special circumstances were our parents being “mean” then as well? And as we become adults and enter the workforce, if we submit a request for certain vacation days and our supervisor denies it for whatever reason, are they just being”mean”? 

    How we perceive situations that don’t go our way, or there are expectations for us that we disagree with, whether it is for our behavior or our performance, as a son or daughter, as a student in the classroom, or the workplace, is critical to our success in life. 

    I never struggled when it came to my perception of what my parents or my teachers expected of me. It was a combination of respect and fear as it pertained to my parents; I could not bear to disappoint them for fear of the consequences. I spent most of my life trying to meet the expectations of others. It’s only in the later years of my career when I admit my arrogance and sense of self-importance led me to question or rebel against the expectations of others above me. Never perceiving them as being “mean”, but simply that their expectations and requirements did not apply when it came to me, which is even worse. 

    So if you’ll allow me to make the following observation based upon my years of experience, my successes, and my failures. When dealing with someone’s expectations for you, regardless of the circumstances, see it as an opportunity for growth. Before you react, ask yourself why these expectations exist, and how you can utilize the situation to make you better, as a student, an employee, or as a son or daughter. You are the architect of your personal growth and only you are responsible for creating your blueprint for success.

  • Becoming Your Own Personal Growth Architect

    Becoming Your Own Personal Growth Architect

    Your Role as an Architect in Your Personal Growth

    You’re building your personal growth building, and you’re the architect. This “architect” is your guide, turning your dreams into a clear vision of what you want to achieve. You acting as your personal growth architect will create a “blueprint” for your development, showing you the structure and key parts of your metaphorical building. Making sure your goals are solid and well defined, explaining how your dreams and goals create a strong foundation for your motivation and expectations, which then helps you move forward.

    But this role of an architect isn’t just about getting things done; it also focuses on how you experience your journey. It ensures everything lines up with who you want to be, both personally and publicly, making your whole growth process real and rewarding. As you start putting your plans into action, this architect offers a blueprint to follow, providing guidance, keeping you on track, helping you adjust, and making sure everything fits with your overall strategy.

    Ultimately, your growth blueprint helps you be clear on your vision, create a smart plan, connect different parts of your development, and finally build the life you imagine. Your growth architect could be your inner self, or a mentor, a coach, or even a structured way of thinking about yourself and your future. Regardless of who assumes the role of your personal growth architect, the blueprint design process begins with self-awareness.

    The Role of Self-awareness

    The most significant component in designing your blueprint for personal growth is self-awareness. It is the prerequisite—our knowledge of who we are and what we desire—on which our blueprint is based.

    Self-awareness can be a complex idea, but consider it this way: I know I want to grow a vegetable garden (self-awareness), versus with my role as an architect on this project, which involves the actual design (blueprint), selecting the plants, and determining their care.

    Self-awareness allows me to understand what I want to do and why I want to do it, my dreams, aspirations, goals, motivations, and expectations. In this particular example, it involves asking: Why do I want a garden? Why is it important to me? What do I expect it to look like? How soon do I want it ready? Once this groundwork is complete, only then can I take on the role of the architect and prepare a blueprint.

    Personal Commentary

    My Dad was a civil engineer. Where an architect works with people wanting to design their new home or businesses wanting to design new office space, my Dad would meet with developers planning new subdivisions, turning their ideas into detailed blueprints for streets, utilities, and home lots. Then, with a survey crew, he’d mark out key locations precisely, giving construction crews exact points to build from. His careful supervision continued until the project was complete.

    I still remember spending Saturday and Sunday afternoons helping my Dad in the field, measuring distances between property lines, new home foundations, utility lines, and easements. I really liked the work, so much so that during college summers, I’d join a survey crew for the Kentucky State Department of Highways, where my Dad was the District Engineer. It allowed me to use the math and physics concepts that I enjoyed from college. Why I didn’t follow in my Dad’s footsteps and become a civil engineer, I don’t know. I guess, like all of us, I needed to find my own path in life.

    I wish I had learned to create a clear blueprint for my life’s dreams and aspirations—something with defined goals and objectives, ways to track my progress, and built-in accountability. Back in college, some of my friends were way ahead of me on this. One good friend, who’s a doctor now, followed in his Dad’s footsteps. He showed up at Centre with a complete and detailed academic plan, knowing exactly which classes he needed for medical school and how hard he’d have to work to achieve the grades he wanted. He even found friends who shared his views to team up with, keeping each other accountable and supporting one another through tough times.

    Looking back, I spent my years throughout high school and my freshman year at Centre unsure of my direction. It wasn’t until my sophomore year, when I met Dr. Walkup, that I found a true mentor. He guided me, set clear expectations for success, and, crucially, held me accountable. Forty-five years later, in my late 60’s, I’d like to believe I know what I’m doing, but sometimes I still have my doubts. Even now, I find myself still searching for a blueprint on how to be the best father, grandfather, husband, and person I can be.