“The only thing that stands between you and your dream is the will to try and the belief that it is actually possible.”
– Joel Brown
Introduction
Honest self-reflection is a precursor to self-awareness and the starting point for our discussion of personal growth. To start to know yourself, you need to consider who you are and what’s important to you at this point in your life. This is the first of four exercises designed to encourage you to take the time to think about and identify your dreams, aspirations, motivations, and expectations. It may help you understand yourself better, figure out your goals, and make more informed decisions about your future. It may also help you to develop a stronger sense of purpose and direction in life.
Key Points to Remember:
Be honest with yourself; there are no right or wrong answers, and no judgment is attached to your responses.
Take your time with each prompt, thinking about what is important to you and why.
As you work through each prompt, take a moment to record your thoughts. These reflections can serve as a valuable resource for developing self-awareness.
Dreams and Aspirations
Prompt #1:
Consider how your dreams define you. Is there a childhood dream that you still hold onto? Ask yourself, why is it important to me? How would it feel to make that dream come true, and what sacrifices would you need to make (if any) to get there?
Prompt #2:
Ask yourself, “What am I currently passionate about?, and “What activities/responsibilities give me the most energy and satisfaction?, Who or what do I aspire to be or to do?” Does your happiness depend on living the life or career of your dreams?
Prompt #3:
In the next 5 years, what specific achievement, title, or position must I accomplish, what impact must I have for my family, in my field of study, or in the world in general, that would represent the highest level of success and sense of self-fulfillment for me?
Prompt #4:
“What current skills, knowledge, or resources do I possess that will help me achieve this aspiration, and what key areas do I need to develop or acquire?” And, what is my plan to achieve those goals?
Up Next: Goals and Motivation
The next set of prompts, part two of the series, will ask you to identify and understand what motivates you to achieve goals you have set for yourself.
Key Concept Number One: The Law of Conservation of Energy
The law of conservation of energy applies directly to our campfire analogy by stating that all the chemical potential energy stored in the wood must be accounted for after it burns—it doesn’t just disappear, it’s simply transformed into different forms. The total energy of the heat, light, and the chemical bonds of all the byproducts is equal to the original chemical potential energy stored in the wood. No energy is lost; it has just been converted.
In our discussion of the process of personal growth, the conservation of energy also applies. The personal energy we invest in the process — our time, focus, and emotion — is finite and must be transformed into something: either a product (your desired outcome of success) or byproducts (either intended (positive) or unintended (negative) emotional or psychological consequences of the process).
Key Concept Number Two: The Definition and Role of an Indicator
An Indicator in our chemical reaction/personal growth analogy is a measurable, observable, and immediate sign that the reaction mechanism is proceeding effectively and that the energy input (activation energy) is being successfully converted into the desired products. Essentially, it tells you if and how well the process is working.
The indicator in our campfire analogy is a sustained flame producing heat and light. This is the visual and thermal evidence that the wood’s stored chemical energy is successfully converting into usable thermal and radiant energy (Heat and Light). It immediately informs us that the Activation Energy (the match/lighter) was successful and the Reaction Mechanism (the burning of the reactants) is self-sustaining.
In the process of personal growth, self-awareness acts as an indicator. It is the ability to recognize and reflect on the state of our emotions, how effective we are in our learning process (informing us if our study habits/self-discipline are effective), and understand our behaviors. Without self-awareness, personal growth becomes a random and inefficient endeavor. It’s like “throwing ideas up against the wall to see what sticks,” a process that lacks crucial elements. This leads to a frustrating trial-and-error approach, wasting valuable time and energy.
Therefore, self-awareness is the foundational component of our personal growth, enabling us to identify and appreciate new skills, confidence, and competence as they emerge. Simultaneously, self-awareness is crucial for detecting and managing negative byproducts like stress, frustration, or burnout, preventing them from halting the entire growth process.
Breaking Down the Components of Our Campfire vs Personal Growth Analogy
Let’s define start by defining our chemical reaction process as the following:
What items in the campfire example or which skills in the case of personal growth, do we need to accumulate before starting each process?
For the campfire analogy, we need: paper and kindling (small twigs and branches) to get the fire started, larger pieces of wood (logs) to serve as the fuel, and matches or a lighter to introduce heat to ignite the flame.
Personal growth demands a combination of essential resources and skills. Essential supplies include strong communication, critical thinking, and time management skills. Additionally, we need an inherent sense of personal accountability and access to various resources such as time, money, and mentors. Information resources, whether online, textbooks, or coursework, are also crucial. Finally, a secure and supportive environment is vital for this process.
During my tine teaching middle school science, I was mentored by a teacher who advocated for a pass/fail grading policy for students during their middle school years, grades 6-8. He believed that the significant emotional and developmental changes experienced by students aged 12-15 made it more important to focus on building essential communication, study, time management and critical thinking skills rather than pressuring them with specific grade requirements. He also pointed out the growing number of students facing poverty, living in single-parent homes, living in fear of abuse, and dealing with various crises, leading to a lack of sufficient rest, parental support, and proper nutrition. Citing Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs theory, he argued that these stressors needed to be addressed before students could be expected to achieve academic excellence in the classroom.
Reactants (Campfire vs the Process of Personal Growth Analogy)
For our campfire analogy, the reactants are straightforward; they consist of wood (fuel), which is the source of stored potential energy, and oxygen.
Personal growth is fueled by key personality traits. These “reactants” include creativity, an open-mindedness to new ideas, a passion for learning and problem-solving, and the crucial ability to persevere through obstacles.
Indicators
In the campfire analogy, the sustained flame’s heat and light serve as the indicator, visually confirming the reaction is occurring and progressing.
Self-awareness serves as a crucial metric for our dedication to personal growth. This dedication is shaped by our curiosity, persistence, and the joy we experience from the process, As lifelong learners, our progress in these areas can be measured through our academic or career achievements.
Activation Energy
In the campfire analogy, the initial heat needed to ignite the paper or kindling acts as the activation energy for the combustion reaction. This reaction involves the burning of fuel (wood) in the presence of oxygen, which produces heat and light. A flame from a lighter or matches provides this initial activation energy, initiating the reaction. Once started, the heat generated by the burning wood sustains the reaction, causing subsequent additions of fuel to ignite.
Personal growth begins with activation energy—our initial investment of effort, time, and focus. This crucial first step helps us overcome our reluctance to start new projects, defeat self-doubt, and combat our natural inertia, our resistance towards change. It requires aligning our personal goals with both our internal motivations, our drive to engage in an activity purely for the inherent pleasure, satisfaction, or challenge it provides, and external motivations, our drive to perform an activity in order to achieve rewards, praise, money, grades, status, or to avoid negative consequences (like failing a class, being grounded, or later in life, getting fired from our job).
Catalysts
(Important: by definition,a catalyst is never used up or depleted in the reaction process.)
If you have ever had to build a campfire you may recognize this catalyst in the campfire analogy, it is the absolute dependence on the flow of air around and through the campfire itself. This airflow is the mechanism that speed up the process of burning, providing access to the oxygen crucial to the combustion process.
Personal growth is driven by catalysts, which include the foundational steps of the personal growth “building” we discussed in a previous blog post, our dreams, aspirations, and goals. These are combined with both intrinsic expectations (how we expect ourselves to progress) and extrinsic expectations (the expectations of family and others) to propel us forward in our personal growth journey.
Reaction Mechanism
In chemistry, a reaction mechanism is the step-by-step sequence of elementary reactions that leads from reactants to products. It’s the detailed path the reaction takes. When we apply this to personal growth, the reaction mechanism is not a single, fixed procedure but a continuous, self-correcting process.
In our campfire analogy, the reaction process is a combustion reaction, the process of combining fuel and oxygen with the activation energy provided by the match or a lighter, to initiate a chemical reaction that produces heat and light as products.
Personal growth is a journey towards a goal or personal transformation, much like a chemical reaction. It involves a methodical process of learning, similar to the scientific method, where knowledge is gained and applied through observation. This leads to the development of strategies, which are then implemented through habits, discipline, and focus to transform effort into skill. Ultimately, this process enables us to identify and conquer obstacles.
Products
We define a product as the desired output of a process, or the desired outcome of success.
In the campfire analogy, the products are heat (thermal energy) and light.
The desired outcome of personal growth is multifaceted, encompassing skills and competencies, such as mastering a trade, or individual definitions of success, like a specific title or salary. Ultimately, however, I would argue, we should strive in the long-term to gain in wisdom.
Byproducts
A campfire’s combustion reaction produces unintended and undesirable byproducts: ashes, which are mineral waste, and smoke, a form of air pollution consisting of uncombusted particles.
Our personal growth journey, unlike a chemical reaction, yields byproducts that can be either positive or negative, depending on the nature of the growth itself. When we engage in what we call “exothermic growth,” our investment of personal energy results in a positive return or outcome. This beneficial growth produces desirable byproducts such as compassion, critical thinking skills, humility, and resiliency.
Conversely, “endothermic growth” occurs when we invest more personal energy than we receive in return. This imbalance can lead to negative, unintended emotional or psychological consequences, including anxiety, burnout, fear, frustration, and stress.
Therefore, self-awareness is crucial. It enables us to identify and prioritize rewarding, exothermic activities while simultaneously recognizing and minimizing endothermic activities that drain our personal energy and are misaligned with our personal goals and ambitions.
Conclusion
In conclusion, just like a well-tended campfire provides warmth and light, a mindful approach to personal growth can yield profound and lasting benefits. By understanding the “chemistry” of our own development—recognizing the needed components, our supplies, reactants, and the crucial role of activation energy and catalysts—we can more effectively guide our journey. Cultivating self-awareness allows us to prioritize “exothermic growth” and minimize the less desirable “endothermic” byproducts, ensuring our personal evolution is not only productive but also sustainable and deeply rewarding.
Throughout our lives, we are constantly asked, “What do you want to do?” “What are your goals?” and “What do you expect to achieve?” These aren’t just questions in a job interview or at a parent-teacher conference; they are at the heart of our motivations and expectations.
Motivations: The Source of Your Personal Growth Blueprint
Motivations are the “why” behind your work. Think of them as the desire that inspires you as the architect of your personal growth —the deep, personal reasons you to start your personal growth journey in the first place.
Why do you wake up every morning and choose to work hard? Is it to solve a problem that fascinates you, to help others, for financial security, or to gain recognition? The reasons we tackle any task are our motivations. Knowing what truly motivates you is the difference between building a life that fulfills you and simply going through the motions. Without understanding your motivations, you risk creating a blueprint that someone else designed for you, leaving you feeling empty even after you’ve “finished” the job. Your motivations are your fuel. They provide the passion and perseverance necessary to overcome challenges and bring a vision to life.
Intrinsic Motivation
Intrinsic motivation is deeply personal and originates from within us. It is a dynamic force that drives us to participate in activities simply for the joy and satisfaction they bring. This type of motivation is closely tied to our dreams and aspirations. It is what pushes us to achieve personal goals, pursue our passions, and continuously work to improve ourselves. When you’re driven by what you truly want and value, not just other people’s demands, you feel in control and that you’re making your own choices.
Extrinsic Motivation
On the other hand, extrinsic motivation comes from outside influences and the rewards they offer. You do the activity not because you enjoy it, but because of what you’ll get from it, whether that’s something you can touch or something less tangible. These benefits could include things like grades, praise, recognition, money, or social status. While extrinsic motivation can be a useful tool for achieving specific goals, it is important to recognize that it can also have its limitations. If we completely rely on extrinsic motivation, not on our desires and expectations, it can leave us feeling unsatisfied, empty, even though we have achieved the benefits we were seeking.
How They Relate to Each Other
What really drives us comes from both intrinsic and extrinsic motivations. We might do things just because they make us feel good or because we’re curious (that’s intrinsic). Or, we might do things for external reasons, like getting a bonus or to get an “A” on a report card (that’s extrinsic). Usually, it’s a mix of both. Take getting a master’s degree, for instance, you might want the opportunity to learn and grow (intrinsic), but you may also think about the better job opportunities the degree provides and the more money you can make (extrinsic).
Striking a balance between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation is often the key to achieving long-term success and happiness. While external rewards can provide a temporary boost, it is the internal drive and passion that sustains us over time. It is important to cultivate your intrinsic motivation by identifying activities that you genuinely enjoy and find meaningful. This may involve exploring our interests, discovering your passions, and setting personal goals that align with your values.
To truly understand our motivations, we must also practice the art of self-reflection. This means asking yourself tough questions about what drives you, what rewards are you seeking, and if your motivations align with your fundamental values. As you grow, your motivations change, so it’s an ongoing process. You’ll need to regularly check if what drives you still aligns with your goals and helps you feel good overall.
When we get to know ourselves better and understand what really motivates us, we can make smarter decisions, set goals that truly matter, and live a life that feels more deliberate and fulfilling. Just remember, real motivation comes from within, and that inner drive is what helps us reach our full potential.
Expectations: The Specifications of Your Personal Growth Blueprint
While motivations explain the “why,” expectations clarify the “what” and “how much,” serving as precise specifications on a blueprint. Expectations come from two sources: external expectations, which are standards set by others, like our parents’ expectations for us or a boss’s performance objectives, which represents what the world anticipates from you. Internal expectations, which are the standards you impose on yourself, such as desired grades, work quality, or personal values, representing the standards you uphold for yourself.
As the architect of your personal growth, you must be keenly aware of both. You cannot build a solid structure without a clear plan. Your expectations provide the necessary direction and the measurable goals that turn your motivations into real actions.
External Motivations
Throughout our lives, external expectations are placed upon us by others. During childhood and our teenage years, these expectations primarily come from parents and teachers, who set standards for how well we do in school, our behavior, and how we act in social settings. As we enter adulthood, the sources of external expectations broaden to include employers, people we work with, friends, partners, and society in general. These can include a wide range of areas, such as our career success, being stable financially, our relationships, and meeting society’s expectations.
It’s great to get guidance and motivation from others, but remember that what others expect isn’t always what we really want or value. Trying to make everyone happy can leave you feeling overwhelmed, not good enough, and like you’ve lost control. It’s important to figure out which external expectations are worth chasing and which ones you should politely pass on, always putting your own well-being and personal growth first.
Internal Expectations
Our internal expectations originate from our personal values, goals, and aspirations, reflecting our beliefs about our capabilities. These internal expectations span various aspects of life, including personal growth, career success, healthy living, our relationships, and our creative pursuits. While they can be a powerful motivator, driving us to excel, it’s vital that that our internal expectations remain realistic.
Let’s be honest, most of us, myself included, have at some point in our lives created unrealistic expectations about how quickly we should be able to master something – studying for an exam, getting a promotion, completing a training course. Perhaps it’s “I expect to be paid ‘x’ number of dollars for working as a (fill in the blank) because they’re lucky to have me.” Or, “I shouldn’t have to start at the bottom and work my way up, because they’re lucky to have me.”
Unattainable standards or expecting instant success can lead to frustration and a sense of failure. It is crucial to be patient with yourself, practice self-compassion, acknowledge that progress requires time and effort, remember to embrace a growth mindset, and celebrate minor achievements to keep motivated.
How They Relate to Each Other
What we expect from ourselves often comes from outside sources like what society tells us, educational standards, and seeing what other people have achieved. It’s important to know yourself and your aspirations, and consider just where these expectations come from. Do they actually fit with what we value and love, or are we just trying to please others and get their approval?
How we feel about ourselves, our self-worth, and self-esteem really gets shaped by a combination of what we expect of ourselves and what others expect of us. When we meet or even go beyond those expectations, it feels great. But if we miss the mark, it can lead to feeling down, ashamed, or just not good enough.
Remember that your value as a person isn’t tied to always meeting every expectation, whether it’s something we put on ourselves or something someone else expects. You’re growing and changing all the time, and hitting roadblocks or messing up is just part of the deal. By being kind to yourself, accepting who you are, and focusing on what truly drives you from the inside, you can build a strong sense of self-worth that will stick with you, no matter what others think or how much pressure we feel.
The Role of Our Aspirations
Knowing what you want, your aspirations, is key to setting your own expectations. When your expectations come from inside you, they lead to lasting happiness. But if they’re just based on what others think, that happiness won’t stick around. To find balance, make sure your goals match your aspirations, what you truly important to you. Be proud of what you achieve, even if no one else is cheering, and be kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned. Always put your values, passions, and goals first.
Motivations, Expectations, and Your Blueprint for Personal Growth
The true strength of motivations and expectations is how they interact with each other. Motivations provide vision and energy, while expectations offer the set of instructions on our blueprint for personal growth.
Personal growth occurs when your internal motivations are in harmony with your chosen expectations. This alignment is key to truly designing your growth blueprint. For example, if you love helping people, you might volunteer or work in public service. Or, if you’re motivated to become an expert, you’ll naturally keep learning and improving your skills.
Remember, in the end, life is not just about ticking off a bunch of external boxes on a to-do list. It’s about really understanding what drives you and then picking goals that help you build a life that feels truly meaningful and personal.
You’re building your personal growth building, and you’re the architect. This “architect” is your guide, turning your dreams into a clear vision of what you want to achieve. You acting as your personal growth architect will create a “blueprint” for your development, showing you the structure and key parts of your metaphorical building. Making sure your goals are solid and well defined, explaining how your dreams and goals create a strong foundation for your motivation and expectations, which then helps you move forward.
But this role of an architect isn’t just about getting things done; it also focuses on how you experience your journey. It ensures everything lines up with who you want to be, both personally and publicly, making your whole growth process real and rewarding. As you start putting your plans into action, this architect offers a blueprint to follow, providing guidance, keeping you on track, helping you adjust, and making sure everything fits with your overall strategy.
Ultimately, your growth blueprint helps you be clear on your vision, create a smart plan, connect different parts of your development, and finally build the life you imagine. Your growth architect could be your inner self, or a mentor, a coach, or even a structured way of thinking about yourself and your future. Regardless of who assumes the role of your personal growth architect, the blueprint design process begins with self-awareness.
The Role of Self-awareness
The most significant component in designing your blueprint for personal growth is self-awareness. It is the prerequisite—our knowledge of who we are and what we desire—on which our blueprint is based.
Self-awareness can be a complex idea, but consider it this way: I know I want to grow a vegetable garden (self-awareness), versus with my role as an architect on this project, which involves the actual design (blueprint), selecting the plants, and determining their care.
Self-awareness allows me to understand what I want to do and why I want to do it, my dreams, aspirations, goals, motivations, and expectations. In this particular example, it involves asking: Why do I want a garden? Why is it important to me? What do I expect it to look like? How soon do I want it ready? Once this groundwork is complete, only then can I take on the role of the architect and prepare a blueprint.
My Dad was a civil engineer. Where an architect works with people wanting to design their new home or businesses wanting to design new office space, my Dad would meet with developers planning new subdivisions, turning their ideas into detailed blueprints for streets, utilities, and home lots. Then, with a survey crew, he’d mark out key locations precisely, giving construction crews exact points to build from. His careful supervision continued until the project was complete.
I still remember spending Saturday and Sunday afternoons helping my Dad in the field, measuring distances between property lines, new home foundations, utility lines, and easements. I really liked the work, so much so that during college summers, I’d join a survey crew for the Kentucky State Department of Highways, where my Dad was the District Engineer. It allowed me to use the math and physics concepts that I enjoyed from college. Why I didn’t follow in my Dad’s footsteps and become a civil engineer, I don’t know. I guess, like all of us, I needed to find my own path in life.
I wish I had learned to create a clear blueprint for my life’s dreams and aspirations—something with defined goals and objectives, ways to track my progress, and built-in accountability. Back in college, some of my friends were way ahead of me on this. One good friend, who’s a doctor now, followed in his Dad’s footsteps. He showed up at Centre with a complete and detailed academic plan, knowing exactly which classes he needed for medical school and how hard he’d have to work to achieve the grades he wanted. He even found friends who shared his views to team up with, keeping each other accountable and supporting one another through tough times.
Looking back, I spent my years throughout high school and my freshman year at Centre unsure of my direction. It wasn’t until my sophomore year, when I met Dr. Walkup, that I found a true mentor. He guided me, set clear expectations for success, and, crucially, held me accountable. Forty-five years later, in my late 60’s, I’d like to believe I know what I’m doing, but sometimes I still have my doubts. Even now, I find myself still searching for a blueprint on how to be the best father, grandfather, husband, and person I can be.
Personal growth is a journey. It’s about learning who you are, understanding what’s important to you, and how you change/evolve as a person over time. It’s about striving to become the best version of yourself. While personal growth is a very complex topic, for the sake of this discussion, we will break it down into two major categories: inner growth (dreams, aspirations, goals) and outer growth (acquiring knowledge, learning skills, developing personal relationships).
The best way that I can describe it, is to imagine personal growth as a house (see figure above). Inner growth consists of the foundation of the house and the supporting walls, while outer growth represents what’s called the capstone, the roof of the building. The stability of this metaphorical building, what we can achieve (outer growth), depends on the strength our inner growth providing with its foundation and support.
What is Inner Growth?
Inner growth is strictly about you, and everyone’s journey looks different. Don’t get caught up comparing yourself to others, since everyone’s got their own way of doing things. Inner growth is not simply about grades, awards, or recognition. Instead, put your focus on learning about yourself and developing your own, individual strength of character, seeking inner peace and feeling good about who you are as a person.
Inner growth is getting better at understanding your emotions, handling tough times, and knowing yourself really well. You’ve got to take the time to figure out your thoughts, feelings, what you’re good at, where you’re not so good, and what drives you. By taking the time recognizing these things, you can pinpoint what’s really important to you, learning to deal with times when you’re stressed, and getting better at shaking off disappointments. At the end of the day, this inner work builds your confidence and gives you a real sense of direction, which sets you up for personal success.
The 3 Layers of the Inner Growth Foundation
Dreams
Dreams, the base layer of our personal growth “foundation”, are fueled by our imagination, constantly pushing us toward a future that that we believe is better than our current situation. They encompass our hopes and desires, motivating us to strive for ambitious goals. Our dreams focus on emotional fulfillment, what will make us feel “good” or an ideal outcome rather than how practical it is to achieve it. Our dreams evolve as we age, shaped by our experiences and perspectives. As children, we might dream of material possessions like toys; as we grow older, our dreams may shift towards education, career, and personal achievements – we may desire a dream job for example. In our later years, our dreams may center around retirement plans and leisure activities. Regardless of our age, dreams remain a driving force, moving us forward and inspiring us to reach our full potential.
Aspirations
Aspirations serve as a bridge between our dreams and real life. They are more practical than dreams because they are grounded in reality, taking into account our talents and abilities, our available resources, and the limits of our situation. While your dreams may often feel distant and unattainable, aspirations are achievable within a specific, realistic timeframe.
Aspirations involve breaking down our grand visions and dreams into smaller, more manageable tasks and goals, providing a clear, more manageable path toward our desired outcomes.
Similar to dreams, aspirations are not set in stone; they are flexible and adaptable. As we age, our abilities and skills progress and circumstances change, our aspirations can be adjusted and redirected to achieve our evolving goals and priorities. However, unlike dreams, which can sometimes be vague and undefined, aspirations focus on specific objectives, providing us with a sense of direction and purpose.
The process of setting and pursuing aspirations involves self-reflection and self-awareness. It requires us to assess our strengths and weaknesses, identify our values and passions, and understand our limitations. By setting realistic and achievable aspirations, we can create a sense of motivation and momentum, propelling us forward on our journey toward personal and professional success.
Goals
Essentially, goals act like a guide to achieving what you want. They turn big dreams and aspirations into things you can actually work on. By creating specific goals, you get clear steps and ways to see how you’re doing. This not only helps you reach your targets but also keeps you excited and on track.
“How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.”
African Proverb
Once you have established a particular goal, the next step is to break down the process of achieving that goal into actionable steps or tasks. This is how we actually get things done. They’re the plan we use to turn our goals into reality.
These steps tell us what to do and help us see how far we’ve come. Each completed step feels like a win and keeps us going. Plus, we can change things up as we go, adapting to whatever happens.
Adding these steps to our goals means we’re not just dreaming, we’re doing. We feel more in control and less overwhelmed. Basically, actionable steps are what pushes us to succeed, turning ideas into real results.
The Columns: Motivations and Expectations
Motivations
The reasons we take on any task are our motivations. They represent the underlying “why” that propels us towards our desired outcomes. Our motivations can be broken down into two categories: intrinsic, coming from from internal factors like a need to feel good about ourselves or our natural curiosity, or extrinsic, arising from external factors like our financial needs, a search for personal recognition or rewards, or social pressure. In many cases, our motivations are a blend of both. For instance, your decision to attend graduate school and pursue a master degree could be motivated by your desire for personal growth or a passion for learning (intrinsic), or the requirements of your career path, better job options, and higher earnings (extrinsic). Or perhaps a combination of both.
Understanding our motivations requires us to recognize the importance and the need to practice self-awareness. Self-awareness involves honestly asking ourselves what is it that truly drives us, what rewards we seek, and whether our motivations coincide with what type of person we want to be known as. It is an ongoing process, as our motivations can evolve and shift depending on our circumstances. It is crucial for us to regularly evaluate our motivations in light of our aspirations and goals, ensuring that they remain aligned and supportive of our chosen path and overall personal well-being.
By cultivating self-awareness and understanding our motivations, we can make more informed decisions, set meaningful goals, and live a more purposeful and fulfilling life. Remember, true motivation comes from within us, and it is our internal drive that ultimately propels us towards our greatest potential.
Expectations
Expectations also play a pivotal role in shaping our lives, influencing our decisions, actions, and overall well-being. Like our motivations, our expectations can be broadly classified into two main categories: external and internal.
Both internal and external expectations play a significant role in shaping our self-worth and self-esteem. When we meet or exceed these expectations, we experience a sense of accomplishment and pride. However, when we fall short, we may feel disappointed, ashamed, or inadequate. It is essential to remember that our worth is not dependent on meeting all expectations, whether they are extrinsic, someone else’s expectations for us (such as those from parents, teachers, or friends) or intrinsic, expectations we impose on ourselves. We are all works in progress, and setbacks and failures are an inevitable part of our journey of personal growth. By practicing self-acceptance – understanding we are not perfect, being patient and compassionate with ourselves, and focusing on our internal motivations, we can develop a sense of self-worth that is not easily swayed by trying to please others or non-realistic expectations we may hold for ourselves.
Let’s be honest, most of us, myself included, have at some point in our lives created unrealistic expectations about how quickly we should be able to accomplish something – studying for an exam, getting a promotion, completing a training course. Perhaps it’s “I expect to be paid ‘x’ number of dollars for working as a (fill in the blank) because they’re lucky to have me.” Or, “I shouldn’t have to start at the bottom and work my way up, because they’re lucky to have me.”
Growing up I put all my effort into meeting the expectation of others, especially my parents, while neglecting the other supporting components of the personal growth building . My dream to attend medical school and become a doctor was totally based on my parents expectations.I never had anyone talk with me about aspirations or how to set and act on goals. My motivations were entirely external, again meeting my parents expectations. Everything I accomplished – science fair awards, winning speech contest entries, and my Eagle Scout award was to please my parents.And it all came crashing down for me when I left home for college.
The first semester of my freshman year at college I had two science courses, PS 11, Introduction to Physics with a Lab and Organic 1. Due to my sheer arrogance, being extremely overconfident in my knowledge of the subjects, my lack of study skills and having never written a research paper in my life, I received a “D” in both classes. My accumulative grade point average for the semester was a 2.0. All my dreams of attending medical school, meeting my parent’s expectations were flushed down the proverbial toilet. My sense of self worth, again based on pleasing my parents, was severely shaken. I lost all my self-confidence and considered not going back to college for the winter semester.
Now I’m not saying that trying to meet your parent’s expectations is a bad thing, but it should only be part of your makeup, everything needs to be in balance, I should have developed internal motivations, understanding what truly made me happy, recognizing where my passions truly were and acting on them. Building on those passions a sense of self-worth that could not be shaken even when faced with adversity.
The Roof: Outer Growth
Think of the roof of your personal growth building,outer growth, like the tip of an iceberg, with all your hard work hidden beneath the surface. It’s the payoff for all the time you’ve spent learning, practicing self-awareness, sharpening your skills, and solidifying your beliefs. Every win, whether it’s success in the classroom, your college or graduate degree, a job promotion, your contributions to a community project, or taking care of yourself by forming a healthy habits, is clear proof of the significant inner growth happening.
Plus, the positive impact you make goes beyond your personal wins, creating a ripple effect on those around you, your classmates, your coworkers, and the broader community. This could be through mentoring fellow classmates, your leadership in the classroom, in athletics, or your workplace, by giving back to others less fortunate than you, or just inspiring others with how you live. The consistent behaviors you adopt, like discipline, resilience, empathy, compassion, and integrity, become deep-seated habits that naturally lead to better outcomes. These aren’t temporary, transient, efforts your part; you’re building lasting qualities that fuel your ongoing growth.
Ultimately, outward growth is a dynamic and continuous journey, changing as your inner self grows and deepens. It proves the power of aligning your self-awareness and personal beliefs with your actions, showing that true satisfaction, lifetime achievements, and meaningful impact on those around you naturally follow from a strong inner growth foundation.
“Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.”
Albert Einstein
When we are young, and even throughout high school and college, we are frequently asked some form of the following question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Our answer would usually consist of career choices, such as a doctor, a lawyer, a fireman, a teacher, etc.
My answer, at least until my disastrous freshman year at Centre College, was I wanted to be a doctor. Not because that was my first choice, but because that was my Mom’s desire for me. I have to admit I had no idea what I wanted to be.
But from my perspective, after being on this planet for 67 years, a more important question that should be asked, and I wish someone had asked me, is: “How do you want to be known, as a person, when you grow up?” Not what my job title will be, not how successful I will be, or how much money I’ll make. But who, what kind of person am I? How will I be remembered? What value do I bring to the world around me?
Knowing, identifying, who we are as a person is a necessary step in finding the answer to that question. This involves understanding what is important to us, what are our dreams, aspirations, goals, motivations, and expectations. Additionally, we must recognize that growth is a process; there is a method we must follow to become the person we want to be. In essence, there is a journey of personal growth we must experience. Your journey, and mine, applies beyond our “academic” learning experiences and encompasses every area of our lives. This broader “spectrum” of learning includes life experiences, emotional intelligence, social interactions, and spiritual growth. EVERY experience, big or small, contributes to our overall growth.
This journey is a lifelong endeavor that is different for every individual, Yours will be totally different from mine, or your parents. There are no step-by-step instructions or a road map that we all can follow.
I may have a certain perspective on the topic, but my views are uniquely mine alone, and do not necessarily apply to situation. The biggest mistake I made in the classroom was assuming that my students shared the same passions for problem-solving and for learning that I did. I expected them to be more like me and did not recognize where they were in their own individual journeys.
There is no starting point or ending point; it is non-linear and cyclical, not a straight line between points A and B. It involves the support and influence of others, your parents, your family members, teachers, and friends. Influences that may cause you to lose sight of your own goals and expectations in favor of meeting other people’s expectations, becoming an obstacle to your own well-being. Social media pressures and your family dynamics may obscure your own internal compass.
Your journey requires constant observation, reflection, and analysis, allowing you to perceive the world around you in greater clarity, appreciating the complexity and the connectivity. You will gain new insights, encounter new situations, and overcome limitations – shifting your perspectives on life (if you allow it). The satisfaction of overcoming challenges, learning new skills, and being aware of your progress will motivate you to continue learning and growing. Your expectations of yourself will change. You will set more ambitious goals, face challenges with more confidence, and appreciate the value of lifelong learning.
Creating Your Own Map
In our minds, we create a map, so to speak, of where we’re headed in our lives, what steps we need to follow, and how long we expect it to take. As you follow your map, you’ll be exposed to new experiences, perspectives, and challenges, forcing you to reevaluate your goals and expectations and your course. Follow your internal compass – your intuition, your moral compass, or your core values that guide you even when your map and where you are headed seem unclear. Think of the people who have supported you in your journey, like family, friends, and mentors, as fellow travelers or guides along your journey.
Role of Family
Everyone’s journey begins with family, shaping our values, ideals, and our early understanding of the world around us. Your family background serves, to use a chemistry term, as the catalyst for your journey. It helps to shape your values, beliefs, and early understanding of the world around you. And while your family situation has a significant influence on your journey, it is important to recognize that your family situation and your genetic predisposition does not define you – you can overcome any family dysfunction, becoming your own person with your own values and beliefs through self-awareness and hard work. It may take some time for you to find your way but it will happen.
High School Years
High school is a critical period in our lives. It is a time when you start to figure out who you are and become more independent, developing your own values that may differ from your family’s. Relationships with friends can be complicated, and you might face the challenge of choosing between fitting in with a group and staying true to yourself.
Learning how to think critically and solve problems are important academic skills that are developed during high school. Thinking critically means to
High school is where it is important to boost your critical thinking and problem-solving skills. Critical thinking basically means thinking clearly and logically, and being able to connect ideas. It’s all about looking at facts, evidence, things you observe, and arguments to come up with good conclusions and make smart choices. Your opportunities to improve these skill sets may not exist as much in the classroom, especially with the teach-to-the-test philosophy that permeates our secondary schools, but can be nurtured elsewhere, for example, playing video games.
I can’t emphasize enough that it’s the process of learning is what is valuable throughout your life, even though the class material itself is only important in the short term to pass the next exam.
During these formative years you learn the importance of taking responsibility for your actions, both at home and in the classroom. Additionally, you will learn to recognize that you may not have all the answers and that you will need help and guidance from others, including your parents, teachers, and other people in your life.
Life can be challenging, and we often find ourselves merely surviving, going through the motions. Struggles can arise anytime, whether in school, work, or personal life. Times when it’s difficult to know what the right thing to do is, the right decision to make, it’s all we can do to get up in the morning and go through the motions of daily life. School becomes a struggle – keeping up in the classroom, finishing homework on time, and maintaining good grades. It’s even more important during these difficult times to develop a support network, whether it is through your faith, a trusted friend, or mentor.
These struggles are not just limited to your high school years; they may occur at any time along your career path. Life can throw you a lot of curve balls, unexpected events like illnesses, losing close friends or loved ones, or sudden opportunities that throw you off balance and make you reroute your path. But remember, all these things are valuable learning opportunities, events that help you discover new strengths, become more resilient and self-reliant.
And finally, in high school, you begin to make decisions about your future education and career. You might decide that college isn’t for you, and that’s okay. Your long-term goals may not require a college degree, and you can always change your mind later. The important thing is to identify your passion and develop a vision for your future.
College and Career
This segment of our lives is where we truly embark on our personal journey, where we step into uncharted territory, so to speak. We establish our independence, for some, living away from home for the first time. We form intimate relationships, develop skills needed for our career choice, and build a network of friends, colleagues, and mentors that may last a lifetime.
You will not always know which path you should follow or what role you are meant to play. It is only natural for you to make some wrong turns in your journey and at times feel lost. But it is so very important to realize these missteps, whether they are small or large, are valuable learning experiences. They teach us to be resilient and the importance of adaptability and self-correction – all benefits of practicing the art of self-awareness. And sometimes, regardless of the path we follow, we end up exactly where we are meant to be. Meaning we can’t always control the circumstances and situations we face in our lifetime; the best we can hope for is to be the best version of ourselves at the end of our journey. Knowing your own limitations is valuable; it requires an understanding of both your strengths and weaknesses. Regardless of what point you’re at in life, frequent self-assessments can be beneficial. To get you started, you’ll find one on the Self-assessment page of this blog.
