Musings of an Old Chemist

A Chemist's Perspective on the Habits and Skills STEM Students Need For Success

Tag: personal-development

Mastering Emotional Intelligence for Personal Growth

When we talk about the subject of personal growth, we usually split things into two buckets: “Inner” growth (a growth mindset, self-awareness, and resilience) and “Outer” growth (relationships, communication skills, achievements, and recognition). However, here’s the missing piece in our model: Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the bridge that unites these two separate ideas, preparing you to be successful as a functioning member of society, regardless of your chosen career path. Producing real-world success that people actually notice.

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) isn’t just about being nice; it is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions while recognizing and acknowledging the feelings of others. If your IQ measures your intelligence or book knowledge, EQ measures your people skills and self-control. It is the connection between thinking and feeling.

The Four Core Pillars of Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Pillar #1: Self-awareness

In a previous blog post, we defined Self-Awareness as the GPS for our process of personal growth. And it is the absolute starting point for emotional intelligence (EQ). It’s all about understanding your own moods, feelings, what drives you, and how all that affects the people around you. To master this, you need to take an honest look at what you’re good at and what you struggle with, and feel genuinely confident in yourself. The key thing is, a self-aware person doesn’t just feel an emotion; they can actually figure out why they’re feeling frustrated, happy, or stressed. This deep internal check is the groundwork for everything else in emotional intelligence.

Pillar #2: Self-control

The second component, self-control (self-management), follows self-awareness. It is crucial for keeping destructive emotions and urges in check, so you can stay calm and collected, even when things get stressful. Think of it as emotional control—it’s that ability to hit the pause button between feeling an impulse and actually doing something about it. This pause allows you to make smart, principled decisions instead of just reacting impulsively or defensively. Self-management includes being flexible, taking initiative, and keeping a positive attitude in order to reach your goals, even when you face roadblocks.

Common Examples:

When receiving constructive criticism, someone with low emotional intelligence (EQ) might immediately become defensive, blame someone else for their mistake, or just give the person the silent treatment, which is not helpful. In contrast, a person with high emotional intelligence will pause, acknowledge that the criticism, while it may feel uncomfortable, is justified, and then ask what they need to do to improve, genuinely thanking the person for being honest.

When having a “bad day,” a person with low emotional intelligence stressed about a meeting or a deadline, might react by snapping at their parents, spouse, friend, or even someone in a restaurant or store, just because they are in the way. A highly emotionally intelligent response is to recognize the feeling of being overwhelmed and directly tell a partner, “I’m having a ridiculously stressful day and I’m a bit on edge. I need 20 minutes of quiet to de-stress so I don’t accidentally take it out on you.”

Pillar #3: Social Awareness

Social Awareness (Empathy) is the third key ability, which is shifting your focus away from yourself and focusing on others. This crucial skill enables you to sense, understand, and respond well to the emotional needs and concerns of those around you. Often described as being able to “read the room”, it requires you to see things from someone else’s perspective and grasp the mood of the situation. It goes beyond just seeing that someone is upset; strong social awareness helps you to understand why they are feeling that way, which is critical for great relationships and connecting with others.

For Example:

During a big disagreement, either at home, school, or at work, a person with low emotional intelligence makes their goal to “win” the argument and prove the other person is wrong. Conversely, a highly emotionally intelligent individual focuses on understanding the other person’s perspective, asking questions like, “Help me out here – why is this so important to you?” because they value the relationship more than being right.

Pillar #4: Building Relationships

Building Relationships is the final stage of emotional intelligence. It’s where you combine your emotional intelligence and social skills to manage complicated social situations, inspiring others. This is the top level of emotional intelligence, showing how well you can influence people, get them on board, and help them grow. It covers multiple social and communication skills—things like building trust and connection, communicating your message clearly and powerfully, addressing disagreements without a fight, and promoting change in a variety of settings, at home, school, and work. Bottom line? Relationship Management is about taking what you know about yourself (self-awareness) and what you feel for others (empathy) and turning that into positive interactions with those around you.

Conclusion

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is an essential skill for genuine, lasting success. Without it, attempts at inner growth become mere wishful thinking that fails when the pressure mounts. And outer growth results in shallow relationships that lack the trust necessary for long-term progress and achievement. Emotional intelligence links your inner strength to your outer results, establishing a mechanism that accelerates both personal growth and professional success.

December 30, 2025
Essential Skills for Success in STEM: Initiative, Resolve, Perseverance, Resilience

You may be doing well in your math and science courses, or perhaps you’re already interested in areas such as computer programming, robotics, or video game design. While a passion for STEM and strong academic performance are certainly vital, true success in these fields requires more than just intelligence.

The key drivers—the qualities that will propel you through challenging projects, demanding courses, and even career setbacks—are the four absolutely vital tools in your personal growth toolkit for anyone charting a course in STEM: Initiative, Resolve, Perseverance, and Resilience.

What is Initiative, Resolve, Perseverance, and Resilience?

1. Initiative

What it is: The ability to self-start, take action without being told, and seek out new opportunities or skills.

Why it matters in STEM: The STEM fields are constantly evolving. What you learn today may be outdated in five years. Initiative is crucial for lifelong learning—the willingness to constantly teach yourself new skills (computer programming, robotics, advanced data analysis, or new analytical instrumentation) to remain current and competitive in the industry.

When performing research or problem-solving, it takes initiative to troubleshoot errors, design a better experiment, or learn to use a new piece of equipment before it’s required. It’s what drives you to excel.

Example: Your Chemistry professor assigns an open-ended laboratory project. The explicit expectation is a successful, unique final product. You must show the initiative to search for resources, organize the necessary equipment and reagents, and learn to operate the necessary tools needed to complete the project because the assignment demands it, not just because you feel like it.

2. Resolve

What it is: A firm determination to achieve a specific goal, resisting distractions, and maintaining focus even when things get tough. The unwavering focus needed to complete a difficult project, solve a complex equation, or commit to the years of study required for a specialized field of study.

Why it matters in STEM: STEM fields demand long-term commitment. Resolve is what helps you stay committed to completing that difficult assignment, even when exhaustion hits. Push through a difficult physics derivation, knowing the understanding will unlock new perspectives. See past a frustrating semester or a challenging first-year chemistry, physics, or math course, reminding you of your ultimate career aspirations. It’s the inner conviction that keeps you on track.

Example: Introductory college courses, such as Organic Chemistry, Physics, and Calculus, are often intentionally challenging to test your preparedness to succeed in upper level courses. When faced with a low grade, resolve is the quality that prevents you from abandoning your major. Initiative is the drive to seek out help by finding a tutor, joining a study group, or meeting with the professor to grasp the material you do not understand, instead of simply giving up.

3. Perseverance

What it is: The sustained effort to keep working despite difficulties, serving as the dedication required to solve tough problems through hours of calculations, research, or repeated experiments. It’s the long-term, consistent effort.

Why it matters in STEM: STEM is rarely a straight line to success. Perseverance means spending countless hours debugging computer programming, even when you’re convinced it’s flawless. Re-running an experiment five times because you’re confident there’s a pattern you’re missing. Staying up late to understand a complex mathematical concept until it finally clicks.

Example: You struggle with a Chemistry laboratory assignment and are tempted to give up. Your instructor intervenes, not by giving you the answer, but by offering a small suggestion, confirming the difficulty of the task, and requiring you to follow up in an hour. This structured support prevents you from feeling abandoned in your efforts, reinforces the importance of struggle, and teaches you the value of perseverance.

While the ultimate decision to continue is yours, external factors, the support from your instructor, are essential. The setting of an expectation, the modelling of how to continue in the process, and the structured support act as powerful motivations, transforming your ability to just keep going into an established, automatic behavior (perseverance).

4. Resilience

What it is: The capacity to recover quickly from setbacks, disappointments, or outright failures, viewing setbacks not as defining moments but as valuable data and learning opportunities.

Why it matters in STEM: Failure isn’t a setback in STEM; it’s a feature. Scientific discovery often involves many “failed” experiments before a breakthrough. Resilience allows you to: bounce back from a low test score, analyze what went wrong, and adjust your study habits.

Example: It can be challenging for you to picture what “resilience” looks like. Mentors provide a crucial model. When you witness your research advisor’s experiment fail, and instead of getting discouraged, your advisor calmly analyzes the data, identifies the potential sources of error, and immediately starts correcting the issues for the next trial run. These actions model resilience and teaches you how to respond appropriately to setbacks.

STEM fields are characterized by constant challenges and an emphasis on complex problem-solving. Success relies less on your natural talent and more on your willingness to engage in a productive learning process. And that success rarely comes on the first try. It is common for an experiment to produce unexpected results or a mathematical proof to contain an error. Instead of seeing these setbacks as personal shortcomings, students need the mindsets of resilience and perseverance to see a failure as a starting point.

Is Initiative, Resolve, Perseverance, and Resilience a Personality Trait or a Learned Skill?

Initiative, resolve, perseverance, and resilience are generally understood as learned behaviors. Psychologists like Carol Dweck argue that these qualities stem from a Growth Mindset—the belief that our abilities and intelligence can be developed, rather than a fixed personality trait. While some people might appear naturally more determined to manage and learn from their struggles, everyone has the capacity to develop these essential skills.

Think of initiative, resolve, perseverance, and resilience as learned skills that, when practiced consistently, become an integral, defining part of your character or personality. For a STEM student, it is critical to recognize the value in treating them as skills that require deliberate practice.

The Power of Role Models, Mentors, and External Expectations

The skills of initiative, resolve, perseverance, and resilience isn’t something you can achieve entirely on your own, however you can always begin the process. The most effective and the smoothest path to growth in these areas requires external guidance. Role models, mentors, and the right external expectations act as a vital catalyst in forging these qualities.

How do role models, mentors, and external expectations cultivate these critical skills? Here are four key examples:

Observation: Professors, Mentors, and Role Models provide critical “how-to” knowledge. Observing an experienced chemist handle an instrument failure calmly or a scientist gracefully accept and learn from a failed experiment offers a real-world demonstration of resilience and perseverance in action.

Accountability: External expectations, whether it is from a professor, mentor, or a course syllabus, establish defined goals and deadlines that require action. Taking on a challenging project with its external pressures, its deadlines and reporting requirements, serves as a catalyst. It triggers the initiative needed to start and, crucially, builds the internal resolve and strength required for sustained effort toward completion.

A Defined Strategy for Success: Effective teachers and mentors avoid simply giving answers. Instead, they offer focused, constructive feedback, guide individuals through roadblocks, and recognize small achievements. This strategic support reinforces successful behaviors, driving long-term competence and success.

Reinforcement and Feedback: These critical skills are only learned effectively when you receive balanced feedback from your professors and mentors, parents as well – positive reinforcement when you suceed and constructive criticism when you fall short.

A Strategy for Your Personal Growth and Success

As you navigate your academic life and plan for a career in science, technology, engineering, or math, your focus must extend beyond formulas and facts. You need to actively look for opportunities to develop your initiative, resolve, perseverance, and resilience. So take action with the following approach:

1. Embrace the Hard Stuff: Never shy away from difficult assignments or complex projects. Challenges are opportunities in disguise.

2. Treat Failures as Data: Every setback is not an end, but a valuable data point. Analyze what went wrong and adjust your approach.

3. Actively Seek Mentors: Find someone whose approach to challenges inspires you, and commit to learning from their wisdom and experience.

4. Practice Self-Reflection: When things get tough, take a moment to ask yourself: How did I react? What could I do differently next time?

Conclusion

These qualities are not just career buzzwords; they are the foundation of personal growth and the essential fuel for scientific discovery and innovation. The combination of strong grades and these four psychological attributes is what ultimately separates a good student from future success in their career path, capable of making a difference in a STEM field. Cultivate them, and you will do more than just succeed in STEM; you will thrive in every aspect of your life.

November 19, 2025
Step-by-Step Procedure for Personal Growth

The key to a successful analysis or experiment is a detailed procedure to follow. First, it provides a list of all the key starting materials you need to gather, along with the quantities of each. Then step-by-step instructions on how to combine these materials. Then details regarding under what conditions the reaction mechanism drives the reaction process to its completion, resulting in the product or products you desire. A quality procedure also lists the byproducts that a reaction process may produce. And finally, a section on sources of error, a detailed description of possible errors that can be made, and the effect of these mistakes on the reaction process, and which products or byproducts are produced.

I can attest to the fact that writing a quality procedure is a challenging task. I’ve drafted my share of procedures in my career, and I’ve found that it requires extensive hands-on experience performing the chemical reaction process and an in-depth understanding of how each step of the procedure contributes to the overall desired result. More importantly, I found that the sources of error section is the most difficult section to write. Luckily, I was blessed to have college professors whose primary focus was on the documentation of every possible source of error in every experiment we performed and on every lab report we prepared in our advanced chemistry and physics courses.

Commentary

So, how does this concept of a detailed procedure apply in our chemical reaction analogy of personal growth? I can honestly say there were points in my life that I had no idea what I was supposed to do, what decision to make, what path to follow. I wished I had had a detailed procedure to follow, a document that told me what decisions I should make, and when, to obtain the goals, and the success I was seeking. A set of step-by-step instructions defining what skills and traits I needed to possess, and the decisions I needed to make. And more importantly, I could’ve used a sources of error section that identified what mistakes I might make, describing how to, if not avoid them, deal with them constructively and not get sidetracked on my journey.

But, as I have learned and become painfully aware of at times, there is no one universal set of instructions we can follow for personal success. While there are plenty of books written on the subject, not one is universally applicable to each of us, with our individual personality traits, gifts, dreams, and aspirations.

Creating Your Procedure for Personal Growth

You cannot find a procedure tailored personally for you in a blog, book, or video; you produce it. It’s not a set of instructions someone else has written for your life. Instead, you create it with a combination of self-assessment and a growth mindset, the understanding that there is always more you can learn.

Step One: Self-assessment

To begin, you need to develop an awareness of the starting materials component for your personal growth procedure through honest self-assessment – identifying your strengths, weaknesses, motivations, and natural tendencies (how you react in different situations). This is the initial observation stage, much like in the Scientific Method.

Continue to ask yourself: “What have I done in the past that’s worked for me?”, “What approach or actions to address challenges or concerns feels natural to me?”, and “What habits, good and bad, do I tend to fall into?” This self-assessment ensures your approach is personalized and realistic. Following a generic procedure that works for someone else might produce a result in you that leaves you feeling emotionally, mentally, or physically drained.

Remember that this journey is yours, and yours alone.

Step Two: Utilizing a Growth Mindset

Once you’ve identified your core starting materials, turn your attention outward. See how others have achieved similar goals. Dive into books and articles about what you’re interested in. Find mentors who have already done what you want to do, ask for their input, seek their instruction. And, try to learn from their successes and failures. Figure out what works for them and then make it your own.

Perfecting Your Procedure: The Scientific Method

You don’t know what to do at the beginning; you discover it. Your procedure for personal growth is not something you are handed at the beginning of your journey. Instead, your initial procedure is a hypothesis – a best guess based on your self-awareness and research. Through the process of experimentation, analysis, and revision, you refine that hypothesis. The final, tested and proven procedure is the culmination of your observation and learning. It represents the wisdom and practical knowledge you’ve gained from the entire process.

Your “procedure” is not a fixed set of instructions; it is dynamic and constantly changing. As you learn more about yourself and the world around you, your procedure must adapt to who you are and your unique situation at each stage of your personal growth. What works for you today may not be what you need a year from now. Your procedure adapts as you gain new insights, as your world changes, and as your goals evolve.

This is the power of applying the scientific method to your life: you are constantly running small experiments, collecting data on your results, and refining your methods for the next reiteration. It’s a continuous, cyclical process of learning and adaptation. Your journey of personal growth is ever-evolving; each day brings with it new challenges. Personal growth dictates that who we are today is different than who we were yesterday, and hopefully, tomorrow we will be better than we are today.

September 21, 2025
Weekly Quotation, September 2, 2025: “Peeing” On That Proverbial Electric Fence

For your consideration:

“There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.”

– Will Rogers

We’ve all been there. You dive into a new skill, armed with books, tutorials, and a healthy dose of optimism. Maybe it’s golf, maybe it’s fixing a leaky faucet, or in my case, trying to resurrect a stubborn lawnmower. You read the manuals, you watch the videos, and you start to feel… confident. Perhaps even a little too confident.

My own journey began in my instrumental chemistry courses in college. Dr. John Walkup had the following advice when applying for a laboratory position – “If asked if you can operate a piece of instrumentation, just say ‘Yes.’ Once hired, you can take the instrument manual home and study it.” This fostered a sense of overconfidence in my abilities in me. Not realizing at the time that while a manual can certainly help you ask semi-intelligent questions and avoid appearing utterly clueless, it often serves as a dangerous enabler. Believing I knew more than I actually did, I’d inevitably encounter what Will Rogers affectionately calls the “electric fence moment,” proving my self-proclaimed expertise was, shall we say, premature.

And here’s my confession, I honestly believe there’s a lot to be said for “peeing” on that proverbial “electric fence.” I’ve certainly had my share of “shocks.” And while the metaphor is a bit crude, for me, it perfectly summarizes the process of discovering all the ways something wouldn’t work.

Making mistakes, and analyzing them, provides tremendous insight. It cultivates a deeper understanding and a firmer retention of knowledge than simply reading a book or passively watching countless YouTube videos ever could. The learning process can be painful, of course. No one enjoys making mistakes; it can wound our pride and occasionally make us feel utterly foolish. However, I would strongly argue that hands-on experience, complete with its inevitable missteps, is far superior to any amount of book learning.

So, the next time you find yourself grappling with a new challenge, don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty, to experiment, and yes, to even “pee” on that “electric fence” a few times. Those moments of “shock” might just be your most effective teachers.

September 3, 2025
Using the Scientific Method to Overcome Adversity

Every one of us, at some point in our lives, will face adversity and failure. Times when we fall short of expectations, whether it is the expectations others have for us or the expectations we have for ourselves. As students, it may be a poor exam grade, an incomplete or missed assignment, or even failing a course. You may fail to get the ACT score you need, or fail to be admitted to the college you desire. As adults, we may face setbacks like a failed job interview or missing out on a position we covet. A negative annual performance review could mean not getting the raise you feel like you deserve. Relationships and marriages can fail, and communication breakdowns can leave us questioning what went wrong. Life inevitably brings challenges: the loss of loved ones, health concerns, retirement, and the realization that we’re not as young as we used to be. The key lies in how we choose to confront these difficulties.

The Scientific Method’s Role in Dealing With Adversity

Most of us are familiar with the scientific method, a cornerstone of science education from middle school through college. For those who need a refresher, the scientific method consists of five steps or actions: Observation, Question, Hypothesis, Experiment, and Analysis/Conclusions.

How Can I Use the Scientific Method to Deal With Adversity?

I would argue that the key step is observation, being able to separate yourself from the emotion and act as an outside viewer of the situation, watching without judgment. Observation combined with self-awareness, asking yourself, “What are my strengths?, “What are my weaknesses?”, and “What truly motivates me?” These are the essential principles in applying the scientific method to adversity. It’s the perspective that allows you to treat a challenge not as an attack on you, but as a problem to be solved.

Once you accept this attitude and put it into practice, the scientific method becomes a powerful tool for dealing with adversity, changing it from an emotional crisis into a manageable process of observation and experimentation.

Real-life Example: You get a “D” on your chemistry assignment.

Step One: Observation

Adversity strikes, and your first step is to resist the emotional pull to react immediately. We often make the situation worse by reacting without thinking, responding in ways we’ll come to regret later. Not just in our words, but in our actions and decisions we make in the moment. We need to take a step back and become an objective viewer of the situation at hand.

First, you observe the situation without being judgmental or emotional, asking yourself:

“What are the facts of this situation?”

Break the situation down, make an objective, non-emotional analysis. The assignment was due three days ago, and I submitted it today, three days late. The classroom policy is that for every day an assignment is late, there is a letter grade penalty.

“What are the emotions am I feeling?”

Angry, I worked really hard on this assignment. Embarrassed, all my friends got better grades than I did.

“What thoughts are running through my mind?”

My teacher is just being mean; he doesn’t like me, and he’s picking on me. And this policy is really unfair.

“What are the other variables at play?”

I spent my time playing a new video game I just got instead of working on the assignment. I struggle with procrastination, putting off all my assignments until the last minute.

As you gather information, treat your emotions and thoughts as “data” points rather than truths to be acted upon.

Step Two: Identify a Question

From this place of calm observation, you formulate a specific, solvable question. Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?”, you ask, “What is the real problem I need to solve here?” This question must be objective and actionable, similar to a chemist asking, “What are the souces of error causing this reaction to fail?”

For this situation, your core problem you need to solve is that you procrastinate.

Step Three: Create a Hypothesis

Next, you develop a theory about how to approach the problem. This is your educated guess about a potential solution. Your hypothesis is a path forward, a specific action you will take to test your theory. It might sound like this: “If I communicate my feelings calmly and clearly, then I can find a resolution to this conflict.” Or, “If I study more, then I will do better on my exam.”

Because you struggle with procrastination, you may decide to start on an assignment the day it is assigned, or do your work at the dining room table, not in your room where you’re easily distracted. Maybe ask your parents to help or ask a friend to be a “study buddy” to help keep you accountable.

Step Four: Perform an Experiment

This is where you put your hypothesis into action. You take a deliberate, measured step to test your theory. The experiment isn’t a rash decision; it’s a controlled action designed to provide data. You act or change your behavior, and you carefully observe the results.

For example, for the next assignment, you decide to test your hypothesis by starting the day it is assigned and doing your work at your kitchen table, not in your room.

Step Five: Analysis & Conclusion

After the experiment, you analyze the results. Did your new approach work? Did the situation improve, or did your emotions shift in a positive way?

Based on the analysis, you draw a conclusion. If your hypothesis was correct, you’ve found a new, effective way to handle that specific type of adversity. If it wasn’t, you haven’t failed; you’ve simply gathered new information. That new information allows you to formulate a new hypothesis and start the cycle over again.

While it is not always easy, assuming responsibility for our failures and admitting our shortcomings never is, by applying this systematic, analytical approach, you may find that adversity is no longer a personal attack. It becomes a solvable problem, and you become the master architect who learns from every challenge and uses that knowledge to become a stronger, more resilient you.

August 18, 2025
Weekly Quotation August 13, 2025: Being Comfortable In Silence

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

– Mark Twain

Truer words have never been said. Learning to be an active listener, and be comfortable in our silence is a valuable skill that most of us, myself included, need to practice daily.

August 12, 2025
Weekly Quotation: August, 6, 2025: Rethinking Education to Prioritize Personal Growth

“We are a culture that worships the winning result: the league championship, the high test score. Coaches are paid to win, teachers are valued for getting students into the best colleges. Less glamorous gains made a long the way – learning, wisdom, growth, confidence, dealing with failure – aren’t given the same respect because they can’t be given a grade.”

– William Zinnser (On Writing Well, 30th edition) (pg. 253)

I wonder if the same can be said about the process of personal growth. I am absolutely certain that there are teachers whose passion lies in seeing they’re students grow as people of substance, encouraging their passion for learning, challenging students with inquiry-based lessons. I know this because I have worked alongside many of them. However, the pressure to meet state and federal established testing benchmarks by which schools are judged and state curriculum standards leaves little time for creativity and discussion in the classroom. So many feel like they are fighting a losing battle. And it not only these restrictions that affect the development of our students’ personal growth in the classroom.

I have also experienced a paradigm shift in the STEM students I work with. While there are still some who are open to new ideas and are willing to explore and develop the foundations of personal growth: curiosity, a passion for solving problems, and a passion for learning. There is a growing majority of students whose primary interest is in just getting the grade, whose focus is on getting the highest ACT score possible, not through learning the baseline knowledge to support the score, but only in the quick techniques to “cheat” the test with the least amount of effort. And, with minimum ACT test score standards being implemented in school systems as graduation requirements, schools now offer courses teaching these methods. ” Memorize and forget” is now the status quo for many of our students.

We are doing a disservice to our students. For when they get to college, and especially when they graduate and join the workforce without a solid foundation in knowing how to deal with failure, learn from their mistakes, develop a strong support network, to be resilient and to persevere – essential skills and traits that cannot be given a grade – I guarantee you they will struggle.

August 6, 2025
Unlocking Your Personal Growth: Motivations and Expectations

Throughout our lives, we are constantly asked, “What do you want to do?” “What are your goals?” and “What do you expect to achieve?” These aren’t just questions in a job interview or at a parent-teacher conference; they are at the heart of our motivations and expectations.

Motivations: The Source of Your Personal Growth Blueprint

Motivations are the “why” behind your work. Think of them as the desire that inspires you as the architect of your personal growth —the deep, personal reasons you to start your personal growth journey in the first place.

Why do you wake up every morning and choose to work hard? Is it to solve a problem that fascinates you, to help others, for financial security, or to gain recognition? The reasons we tackle any task are our motivations. Knowing what truly motivates you is the difference between building a life that fulfills you and simply going through the motions. Without understanding your motivations, you risk creating a blueprint that someone else designed for you, leaving you feeling empty even after you’ve “finished” the job. Your motivations are your fuel. They provide the passion and perseverance necessary to overcome challenges and bring a vision to life.

Intrinsic Motivation

Intrinsic motivation is deeply personal and originates from within us. It is a dynamic force that drives us to participate in activities simply for the joy and satisfaction they bring. This type of motivation is closely tied to our dreams and aspirations. It is what pushes us to achieve personal goals, pursue our passions, and continuously work to improve ourselves. When you’re driven by what you truly want and value, not just other people’s demands, you feel in control and that you’re making your own choices.

Extrinsic Motivation

On the other hand, extrinsic motivation comes from outside influences and the rewards they offer. You do the activity not because you enjoy it, but because of what you’ll get from it, whether that’s something you can touch or something less tangible. These benefits could include things like grades, praise, recognition, money, or social status. While extrinsic motivation can be a useful tool for achieving specific goals, it is important to recognize that it can also have its limitations. If we completely rely on extrinsic motivation, not on our desires and expectations, it can leave us feeling unsatisfied, empty, even though we have achieved the benefits we were seeking.

How They Relate to Each Other

What really drives us comes from both intrinsic and extrinsic motivations. We might do things just because they make us feel good or because we’re curious (that’s intrinsic). Or, we might do things for external reasons, like getting a bonus or to get an “A” on a report card (that’s extrinsic). Usually, it’s a mix of both. Take getting a master’s degree, for instance, you might want the opportunity to learn and grow (intrinsic), but you may also think about the better job opportunities the degree provides and the more money you can make (extrinsic).

Striking a balance between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation is often the key to achieving long-term success and happiness. While external rewards can provide a temporary boost, it is the internal drive and passion that sustains us over time. It is important to cultivate your intrinsic motivation by identifying activities that you genuinely enjoy and find meaningful. This may involve exploring our interests, discovering your passions, and setting personal goals that align with your values.

To truly understand our motivations, we must also practice the art of self-reflection. This means asking yourself tough questions about what drives you, what rewards are you seeking, and if your motivations align with your fundamental values. As you grow, your motivations change, so it’s an ongoing process. You’ll need to regularly check if what drives you still aligns with your goals and helps you feel good overall.

When we get to know ourselves better and understand what really motivates us, we can make smarter decisions, set goals that truly matter, and live a life that feels more deliberate and fulfilling. Just remember, real motivation comes from within, and that inner drive is what helps us reach our full potential.

Expectations: The Specifications of Your Personal Growth Blueprint

While motivations explain the “why,” expectations clarify the “what” and “how much,” serving as precise specifications on a blueprint. Expectations come from two sources: external expectations, which are standards set by others, like our parents’ expectations for us or a boss’s performance objectives, which represents what the world anticipates from you. Internal expectations, which are the standards you impose on yourself, such as desired grades, work quality, or personal values, representing the standards you uphold for yourself.

As the architect of your personal growth, you must be keenly aware of both. You cannot build a solid structure without a clear plan. Your expectations provide the necessary direction and the measurable goals that turn your motivations into real actions.

External Motivations

Throughout our lives, external expectations are placed upon us by others. During childhood and our teenage years, these expectations primarily come from parents and teachers, who set standards for how well we do in school, our behavior, and how we act in social settings. As we enter adulthood, the sources of external expectations broaden to include employers, people we work with, friends, partners, and society in general. These can include a wide range of areas, such as our career success, being stable financially, our relationships, and meeting society’s expectations.

It’s great to get guidance and motivation from others, but remember that what others expect isn’t always what we really want or value. Trying to make everyone happy can leave you feeling overwhelmed, not good enough, and like you’ve lost control. It’s important to figure out which external expectations are worth chasing and which ones you should politely pass on, always putting your own well-being and personal growth first.

Internal Expectations

Our internal expectations originate from our personal values, goals, and aspirations, reflecting our beliefs about our capabilities. These internal expectations span various aspects of life, including personal growth, career success, healthy living, our relationships, and our creative pursuits. While they can be a powerful motivator, driving us to excel, it’s vital that that our internal expectations remain realistic.

Let’s be honest, most of us, myself included, have at some point in our lives created unrealistic expectations about how quickly we should be able to master something – studying for an exam, getting a promotion, completing a training course. Perhaps it’s “I expect to be paid ‘x’ number of dollars for working as a (fill in the blank) because they’re lucky to have me.” Or, “I shouldn’t have to start at the bottom and work my way up, because they’re lucky to have me.”

Unattainable standards or expecting instant success can lead to frustration and a sense of failure. It is crucial to be patient with yourself, practice self-compassion, acknowledge that progress requires time and effort, remember to embrace a growth mindset, and celebrate minor achievements to keep motivated.

How They Relate to Each Other

What we expect from ourselves often comes from outside sources like what society tells us, educational standards, and seeing what other people have achieved. It’s important to know yourself and your aspirations, and consider just where these expectations come from. Do they actually fit with what we value and love, or are we just trying to please others and get their approval?

How we feel about ourselves, our self-worth, and self-esteem really gets shaped by a combination of what we expect of ourselves and what others expect of us. When we meet or even go beyond those expectations, it feels great. But if we miss the mark, it can lead to feeling down, ashamed, or just not good enough.

Remember that your value as a person isn’t tied to always meeting every expectation, whether it’s something we put on ourselves or something someone else expects. You’re growing and changing all the time, and hitting roadblocks or messing up is just part of the deal. By being kind to yourself, accepting who you are, and focusing on what truly drives you from the inside, you can build a strong sense of self-worth that will stick with you, no matter what others think or how much pressure we feel.

The Role of Our Aspirations

Knowing what you want, your aspirations, is key to setting your own expectations. When your expectations come from inside you, they lead to lasting happiness. But if they’re just based on what others think, that happiness won’t stick around. To find balance, make sure your goals match your aspirations, what you truly important to you. Be proud of what you achieve, even if no one else is cheering, and be kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned. Always put your values, passions, and goals first.

Motivations, Expectations, and Your Blueprint for Personal Growth

The true strength of motivations and expectations is how they interact with each other. Motivations provide vision and energy, while expectations offer the set of instructions on our blueprint for personal growth.

Personal growth occurs when your internal motivations are in harmony with your chosen expectations. This alignment is key to truly designing your growth blueprint. For example, if you love helping people, you might volunteer or work in public service. Or, if you’re motivated to become an expert, you’ll naturally keep learning and improving your skills.

Remember, in the end, life is not just about ticking off a bunch of external boxes on a to-do list. It’s about really understanding what drives you and then picking goals that help you build a life that feels truly meaningful and personal.

August 3, 2025
Becoming Your Own Personal Growth Architect

Your Role as an Architect in Your Personal Growth

You’re building your personal growth building, and you’re the architect. This “architect” is your guide, turning your dreams into a clear vision of what you want to achieve. You acting as your personal growth architect will create a “blueprint” for your development, showing you the structure and key parts of your metaphorical building. Making sure your goals are solid and well defined, explaining how your dreams and goals create a strong foundation for your motivation and expectations, which then helps you move forward.

But this role of an architect isn’t just about getting things done; it also focuses on how you experience your journey. It ensures everything lines up with who you want to be, both personally and publicly, making your whole growth process real and rewarding. As you start putting your plans into action, this architect offers a blueprint to follow, providing guidance, keeping you on track, helping you adjust, and making sure everything fits with your overall strategy.

Ultimately, your growth blueprint helps you be clear on your vision, create a smart plan, connect different parts of your development, and finally build the life you imagine. Your growth architect could be your inner self, or a mentor, a coach, or even a structured way of thinking about yourself and your future. Regardless of who assumes the role of your personal growth architect, the blueprint design process begins with self-awareness.

The Role of Self-awareness

The most significant component in designing your blueprint for personal growth is self-awareness. It is the prerequisite—our knowledge of who we are and what we desire—on which our blueprint is based.

Self-awareness can be a complex idea, but consider it this way: I know I want to grow a vegetable garden (self-awareness), versus with my role as an architect on this project, which involves the actual design (blueprint), selecting the plants, and determining their care.

Self-awareness allows me to understand what I want to do and why I want to do it, my dreams, aspirations, goals, motivations, and expectations. In this particular example, it involves asking: Why do I want a garden? Why is it important to me? What do I expect it to look like? How soon do I want it ready? Once this groundwork is complete, only then can I take on the role of the architect and prepare a blueprint.

Personal Commentary

My Dad was a civil engineer. Where an architect works with people wanting to design their new home or businesses wanting to design new office space, my Dad would meet with developers planning new subdivisions, turning their ideas into detailed blueprints for streets, utilities, and home lots. Then, with a survey crew, he’d mark out key locations precisely, giving construction crews exact points to build from. His careful supervision continued until the project was complete.

I still remember spending Saturday and Sunday afternoons helping my Dad in the field, measuring distances between property lines, new home foundations, utility lines, and easements. I really liked the work, so much so that during college summers, I’d join a survey crew for the Kentucky State Department of Highways, where my Dad was the District Engineer. It allowed me to use the math and physics concepts that I enjoyed from college. Why I didn’t follow in my Dad’s footsteps and become a civil engineer, I don’t know. I guess, like all of us, I needed to find my own path in life.

I wish I had learned to create a clear blueprint for my life’s dreams and aspirations—something with defined goals and objectives, ways to track my progress, and built-in accountability. Back in college, some of my friends were way ahead of me on this. One good friend, who’s a doctor now, followed in his Dad’s footsteps. He showed up at Centre with a complete and detailed academic plan, knowing exactly which classes he needed for medical school and how hard he’d have to work to achieve the grades he wanted. He even found friends who shared his views to team up with, keeping each other accountable and supporting one another through tough times.

Looking back, I spent my years throughout high school and my freshman year at Centre unsure of my direction. It wasn’t until my sophomore year, when I met Dr. Walkup, that I found a true mentor. He guided me, set clear expectations for success, and, crucially, held me accountable. Forty-five years later, in my late 60’s, I’d like to believe I know what I’m doing, but sometimes I still have my doubts. Even now, I find myself still searching for a blueprint on how to be the best father, grandfather, husband, and person I can be.

July 21, 2025
Self-Awareness: Your Internal GPS for Personal Growth
So, we have this incredible building of personal growth, with its strong foundation and aspiring capstone. But how do we know we’re heading in the right direction? That’s where self-awareness, our internal “GPS” comes in.. It helps us pinpoint where we are right now and where we truly want to go. And once we have that clarity, we can then step into an even more powerful role: that of our architect, consciously designing and constructing the path to that very destination we desire.

Think about your favorite video game or an elaborate set of LEGO™ building blocks. Before you can build something amazing or conquer a level, you need to know the rules, the tools you have, and where you want to go, right? Well, the same goes for growing as a person! Self-awareness is like having your internal map and knowing yourself really well – your strengths, your feelings, and what you truly care about. Understanding yourself is the first step to designing the kind of person you want to become and the life you want to build.

Now imagine you’re the architect of your personal growth building. You get to design who you want to be and what you want to achieve. But just like any good architect, you need to know your materials and have a clear vision, a good set of blueprints. That is the role of self-awareness. Self-awareness is the process of getting to know your values, your skills, and what sparks your interest. It’s the foundation for making smart choices and building a future that’s uniquely yours.

And just like a GPS helps you navigate physical terrain, self-awareness helps you navigate your personal landscape. Self-awareness is like your inner moral compass, helping you make choices that truly align with your gut feelings and what you value most. It’s about figuring out what truly matters to you, ensuring that your actions reflect who you genuinely are. This inner guide also helps you set goals based on your dreams and aspirations, turning them into clear “checkpoints” on your life’s journey.

Also, self-awareness, acting as your internal GPS, lets you see how far you’ve come, and how much further you have to go, giving you clarity on your journey and chances to celebrate all your wins, big or small. Life isn’t usually a straight line; it’s more like a complex roadmap with twists, turns, and unexpected detours. In this ever-changing landscape, self-awareness is beneficial. By regularly thinking about your experiences, changing values, and goals, it lets you adjust your “direction” when you need to. This ability to make important course corrections keeps you aligned with your evolving self, leading to a deeper understanding of who you’re becoming.

Plus, this metaphorical GPS can show you different ways to reach your goals, giving you practical ideas about how long it might take and how much effort you’ll need. It encourages flexibility, helping you gracefully handle unexpected challenges and changes. When you inevitably feel “lost” or unsure, self-awareness shines a light on where you are in your journey. It not only shows you how far you’ve come but also reminds you of your inner strength and all the amazing progress you’ve made. Recognizing where we are on our personal map, even when feeling disoriented, can be immensely reassuring. It helps us appreciate the progress we’ve made, recalibrate our direction when needed, and refuel our motivation to continue our journey.

Ultimately, self-awareness is key to appreciating your ongoing progress, adjusting your course when things go off track, and boosting your motivation, pushing you forward with a fresh and clear sense of purpose.

How to Cultivate Your Self-awareness

Self-awareness is a skill that, like a musical talent, such as playing the piano or the guitar, can be significantly improved through consistent effort, or practice, combined with specific techniques and activities. While you may already have a natural ability for playing an instrument or in the case of self-awareness, introspection or reflection, these are skills must still be developed. For self-awareness is an ongoing journey of discovery, where your investment of your time in mastering the following techniques along with a willingness to explore your inner self can lead to your significant growth as a person.

This growth goes beyond understanding your strengths and weaknesses; it involves a deeper understanding of your emotions, thoughts, values, and motivations. It requires observing how these shape our behaviors and how we react to the world around us. Consider it like possessing an internal GPS system that continuously calibrates and refines its accuracy. Our constantly evolving and improving inner compass helps us navigate life’s obstacles, make well-informed choices, and encourage more honest relationships.

To develop your self-awareness, consider these three components: an honest self-assessment, journaling, and seeking feedback from trusted peers (parents, mentors, teachers, and close friends). Each offers a distinct perspective on your inner workings, revealing valuable insights into your patterns and tendencies. The consistent commitment to these practices sharpens your awareness of your inner self, helping you to understand and control your emotions, improve your decision-making, and provide a clearer sense of purpose. Ultimately, self-awareness is a continuous journey of growth, changing as we mature and experience new things.

The best place to start to grow your self-awareness is with a comprehensive self-assessment that encourages you to think about your:
- Dreams and Aspirations: What is your long-term vision? What impact do you want to make in the world? What kind of future do you imagine for yourself?
- Goals: What specific goals are you working towards in your academic and personal lives?
- Strengths: What are you naturally good at? What skills and talents come easily to you? What do others praise you for?
- Weaknesses (or Areas for Growth): Where do you struggle? What skills need development? What habits might be holding you back?
This initial self-assessment provides a valuable foundation for building self-awareness. It helps you understand your internal compass and identify areas where you want to focus your energy.

Next, I encourage you to keep a personal journal or even a private blog where you reflect on what you are learning in your courses, interactions with others, and daily activities, plus the challenges you are facing and how you are overcoming them. Journaling provides you an opportunity to:
- Map Your Progress: Regularly writing down your experiences, thoughts, and feelings related to your goals allows you to track how far you’ve come and identify patterns in your progress.
- Reflect on Your Struggles: Journaling provides a safe space to explore challenges, frustrations, and setbacks. By writing about these difficulties, you can gain clarity, identify potential solutions, and learn from your experiences.
- Deepen Your Understanding of Who You Are: The act of writing forces you to express your thoughts and emotions, leading to a deeper understanding of your motivations, expectation and how you react in different situations.
- Identify Patterns: Over time, journaling can reveal recurring patterns in your thoughts, behaviors, and emotional responses, offering valuable insights into your personality and habits. Journaling encourages you to explore and define your core values through self-reflection.
With practice, you will learn to spend time in deliberate reflection, asking yourself questions such as: How did I feel today and why?, Why did I react that way in that situation and what can I learn from it?, What can I do differently given the same situation?, What are my core values and are they changing?, What are my current goals and why are they important to me?

Finally, learn to ask others for their feedback on your progress, your actions and behavior, keeping an open mind and without getting defensive. I suggest asking trusted friends, family, or mentors for constructive feedback on how you come across to others. And while this can be challenging, it provides valuable perspective. More importantly, your willingness to reflect on this feedback objectively and identify patterns or areas where you can grow is a beneficial component of your personal growth.

As a STEM student, this combination of activities can be particularly effective. You should appreciate the logical and scientific approach, a self-assessment followed by consistent journaling provides the framework for self-awareness. And, journaling can be seen as a way to collect “data” about yourself, which you can then analyze for insights and trends. This aligns with the analytical mindset you’ll need for success in the STEM fields. And finally, this process has its focus on growth and Improvement. It naturally encourages a growth mindset by prompting you to identify areas for improvement and track your development over time.

In conclusion, do not forget that self-awareness is a continuous process, not a one-time activity. Practice it daily. Connect it to your goals. Remember self-awareness is a great tool to help you succeed in your studies, your future careers, and all areas of your life. Ultimately, self-awareness is the key to appreciating your ongoing progress, adjusting your course when things go off track, and boosting your motivation, pushing you forward with a fresh and clear sense of purpose.
July 13, 2025