Musings of an Old Chemist

A Chemist's Perspective on the Habits and Skills STEM Students Need For Success

Tag: personal growth

  • Mastering Emotional Intelligence for Personal Growth

    Mastering Emotional Intelligence for Personal Growth

    When we talk about the subject of personal growth, we usually split things into two buckets: “Inner” growth (a growth mindset, self-awareness, and resilience) and “Outer” growth (relationships, communication skills, achievements, and recognition). However, here’s the missing piece in our model: Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the bridge that unites these two separate ideas, preparing you to be successful as a functioning member of society, regardless of your chosen career path. Producing real-world success that people actually notice.

    Emotional Intelligence (EQ) isn’t just about being nice; it is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions while recognizing and acknowledging the feelings of others. If your IQ measures your intelligence or book knowledge, EQ measures your people skills and self-control. It is the connection between thinking and feeling.


    The Four Core Pillars of Emotional Intelligence (EQ)


    Pillar #1: Self-awareness

    In a previous blog post, we defined Self-Awareness as the GPS for our process of personal growth. And it is the absolute starting point for emotional intelligence (EQ). It’s all about understanding your own moods, feelings, what drives you, and how all that affects the people around you. To master this, you need to take an honest look at what you’re good at and what you struggle with, and feel genuinely confident in yourself. The key thing is, a self-aware person doesn’t just feel an emotion; they can actually figure out why they’re feeling frustrated, happy, or stressed. This deep internal check is the groundwork for everything else in emotional intelligence.


    Pillar #2: Self-control

    The second component, self-control (self-management), follows self-awareness. It is crucial for keeping destructive emotions and urges in check, so you can stay calm and collected, even when things get stressful. Think of it as emotional control—it’s that ability to hit the pause button between feeling an impulse and actually doing something about it. This pause allows you to make smart, principled decisions instead of just reacting impulsively or defensively. Self-management includes being flexible, taking initiative, and keeping a positive attitude in order to reach your goals, even when you face roadblocks.

    Common Examples:

    When receiving constructive criticism, someone with low emotional intelligence (EQ) might immediately become defensive, blame someone else for their mistake, or just give the person the silent treatment, which is not helpful. In contrast, a person with high emotional intelligence will pause, acknowledge that the criticism, while it may feel uncomfortable, is justified, and then ask what they need to do to improve, genuinely thanking the person for being honest. 

    When having a “bad day,” a person with low emotional intelligence stressed about a meeting or a deadline, might react by snapping at their parents, spouse, friend, or even someone in a restaurant or store, just because they are in the way. A highly emotionally intelligent response is to recognize the feeling of being overwhelmed and directly tell a partner, “I’m having a ridiculously stressful day and I’m a bit on edge. I need 20 minutes of quiet to de-stress so I don’t accidentally take it out on you.” 


    Pillar #3: Social Awareness

    Social Awareness (Empathy) is the third key ability, which is shifting your focus away from yourself and focusing on others. This crucial skill enables you to sense, understand, and respond well to the emotional needs and concerns of those around you. Often described as being able to “read the room”, it requires you to see things from someone else’s perspective and grasp the mood of the situation. It goes beyond just seeing that someone is upset; strong social awareness helps you to understand why they are feeling that way, which is critical for great relationships and connecting with others.

    For Example:

    During a big disagreement, either at home, school, or at work, a person with low emotional intelligence makes their goal to “win” the argument and prove the other person is wrong. Conversely, a highly emotionally intelligent individual focuses on understanding the other person’s perspective, asking questions like, “Help me out here – why is this so important to you?” because they value the relationship more than being right.


    Pillar #4: Building Relationships

    Building Relationships is the final stage of emotional intelligence. It’s where you combine your emotional intelligence and social skills to manage complicated social situations, inspiring others. This is the top level of emotional intelligence, showing how well you can influence people, get them on board, and help them grow. It covers multiple social and communication skills—things like building trust and connection, communicating your message clearly and powerfully, addressing disagreements without a fight, and promoting change in a variety of settings, at home, school, and work. Bottom line? Relationship Management is about taking what you know about yourself (self-awareness) and what you feel for others (empathy) and turning that into positive interactions with those around you.


    Conclusion

    Emotional intelligence (EQ) is an essential skill for genuine, lasting success. Without it, attempts at inner growth become mere wishful thinking that fails when the pressure mounts. And outer growth results in shallow relationships that lack the trust necessary for long-term progress and achievement. Emotional intelligence links your inner strength to your outer results, establishing a mechanism that accelerates both personal growth and professional success.

  • Mastering STEM: 3 Keys to Success Beyond ‘Natural Genius’

    Mastering STEM: 3 Keys to Success Beyond ‘Natural Genius’

    There’s a persistent myth in Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics (STEM): that success belongs to the “natural genius,” the person who just “gets it.”

    Here’s the truth: Achieving mastery in challenging STEM fields has little to do with some magical, intrinsic gift. It is 100% based on the application of several advanced intellectual and behavioral strategies. Think of it as a complete operating system upgrade for your brain.

    To move beyond the daily struggles and achieve genuine mastery in STEM, you need to commit to these three non-negotiable principles.


    The Power of Modeling


    Social Learning Theory, pioneered by Albert Bandura, shows that a huge part of human learning happens through observing and imitating others. But success isn’t about emulation (or copying) a single skill; it’s about modeling a complete system.

    To succeed, you must actively observe and adopt the entire package of skills and habits from those who have already achieved high levels of success. For example:

    • Advanced Technical Skills: How do experts and mentors break down a complex problem? Learn their analytical approaches.
    • Powerful Work Ethic: Look at how they meticulously structure their study schedules, their uncompromising standards for quality, and their consistent effort.
    • Powerful, Positive Mindset: How do they view failure? It’s purely objective, instructive data—nothing more.

    Take action, stop focusing solely on the textbook content. Start noting the process of your most successful peers or mentors. How do they organize? When and how do they study? How do they handle a major setback? You want to copy and implement a system, not just learn content knowledge.


    Escaping the “Developmental Trap.”


    A massive barrier to our progress is what is called the “developmental trap.” This is when you inadvertently become rooted in ineffective behavioral patterns that feel comfortable but sabotage your future.

    Are you chronically procrastinating? Do you find fault in everything you do, seeing only the negative outcomes, which paralyzes you from even starting? Are you habitually unclear about your goals and intentions, or vague in your communication with your fellow students/teachers/professors? These are self-sabotaging habits.

    To break free, you must perform a conscious, honest self-assessment and start developing and exercising your self-awareness skills.

    Follow-up on your self-assessment by:

    • Installing these productive habits: Resilience (bouncing back from setbacks with renewed effort) and a rigorous work ethic (getting things done with uncompromising quality and efficiency).
    • Discard low-return behaviors: Self-incrimination, self-doubt, and negativity.

    Over time, your relentless effort will help create a powerful “internal compass.” Your motivation shifts from the temporary need for external validation (a good grade, a compliment) to an intrinsic drive—a non-negotiable, standard you’ve set for quality and thoroughness that you must meet, regardless of what anyone else thinks.


    Prioritize the Process Over the Score


    The final, and perhaps most crucial, mental adjustment is letting go of the destructive notion that you must achieve absolute, flaw-free perfection. That ideal is unattainable and will only lead to burnout.

    The successful STEM student must value the process of learning and discovery over the final numerical score or grade.

    When an experiment fails, a line of code breaks, or you get a subpar result on a quiz, how you react must change. Don’t view it as a “mess-up” or that you don’t have what it takes to “make it.” Instead, you must treat it as a starting point from which you learn and progress.

    This data is essential for:

    1. Precisely identifying your weaknesses.
    2. Fine-tuning your approach to solving the problem or issue.
    3. Educating you for the design of your future, a more refined attempt.

    This mental shift is life-changing. It moves your focus from avoiding mistakes (a fear-based approach) to maximizing learning effectiveness (a growth-based approach.)


    Summary


    In the demanding world of STEM, setbacks—from experimental failures to complex problem-solving roadblocks and challenging coursework—are a daily certainty. Therefore, the single most critical factor for your long-term success and ultimate perseverance is your ability to effectively manage and recalibrate your expectations.

    Really successful STEM students ditch the idea that they have to be absolutely perfect. They focus more on consistently putting in the hard work and sticking closely to the process (understanding the “why” and the “how”), instead of getting hung up on immediate, flawless results. This mindset change is a huge win: it means they stop seeing mistakes as a huge personal flaw and start seeing them as valuable, objective data—the stuff you need for real learning, figuring out new strategies, and improving down the line. In the end, this shift turns anxiety into a powerful tool for growth.

  • Essential Skills for Success in STEM: Initiative, Resolve, Perseverance, Resilience

    Essential Skills for Success in STEM: Initiative, Resolve, Perseverance, Resilience

    You may be doing well in your math and science courses, or perhaps you’re already interested in areas such as computer programming, robotics, or video game design. While a passion for STEM and strong academic performance are certainly vital, true success in these fields requires more than just intelligence.

    The key drivers—the qualities that will propel you through challenging projects, demanding courses, and even career setbacks—are the four absolutely vital tools in your personal growth toolkit for anyone charting a course in STEM: Initiative, Resolve, Perseverance, and Resilience.


    What is Initiative, Resolve, Perseverance, and Resilience? 


    1. Initiative

    What it is: The ability to self-start, take action without being told, and seek out new opportunities or skills.

    Why it matters in STEM: The STEM fields are constantly evolving. What you learn today may be outdated in five years. Initiative is crucial for lifelong learning—the willingness to constantly teach yourself new skills (computer programming, robotics, advanced data analysis, or new analytical instrumentation) to remain current and competitive in the industry.

    When performing research or problem-solving, it takes initiative to troubleshoot errors, design a better experiment, or learn to use a new piece of equipment before it’s required. It’s what drives you to excel.

    Example: Your Chemistry professor assigns an open-ended laboratory project. The explicit expectation is a successful, unique final product. You must show the initiative to search for resources, organize the necessary equipment and reagents, and learn to operate the necessary tools needed to complete the project because the assignment demands it, not just because you feel like it.


    2. Resolve

    What it is: A firm determination to achieve a specific goal, resisting distractions, and maintaining focus even when things get tough. The unwavering focus needed to complete a difficult project, solve a complex equation, or commit to the years of study required for a specialized field of study.

    Why it matters in STEM: STEM fields demand long-term commitment. Resolve is what helps you stay committed to completing that difficult assignment, even when exhaustion hits. Push through a difficult physics derivation, knowing the understanding will unlock new perspectives. See past a frustrating semester or a challenging first-year chemistry, physics, or math course, reminding you of your ultimate career aspirations. It’s the inner conviction that keeps you on track.

    Example: Introductory college courses, such as Organic Chemistry, Physics, and Calculus, are often intentionally challenging to test your preparedness to succeed in upper level courses. When faced with a low grade, resolve is the quality that prevents you from abandoning your major. Initiative is the drive to seek out help by finding a tutor, joining a study group, or meeting with the professor to grasp the material you do not understand, instead of simply giving up.


    3. Perseverance

    What it is: The sustained effort to keep working despite difficulties, serving as the dedication required to solve tough problems through hours of calculations, research, or repeated experiments. It’s the long-term, consistent effort.

    Why it matters in STEM: STEM is rarely a straight line to success. Perseverance means spending countless hours debugging computer programming, even when you’re convinced it’s flawless. Re-running an experiment five times because you’re confident there’s a pattern you’re missing. Staying up late to understand a complex mathematical concept until it finally clicks.

    Example: You struggle with a Chemistry laboratory assignment and are tempted to give up. Your instructor intervenes, not by giving you the answer, but by offering a small suggestion, confirming the difficulty of the task, and requiring you to follow up in an hour. This structured support prevents you from feeling abandoned in your efforts, reinforces the importance of struggle, and teaches you the value of perseverance.

    While the ultimate decision to continue is yours, external factors, the support from your instructor, are essential. The setting of an expectation, the modelling of how to continue in the process, and the structured support act as powerful motivations, transforming your ability to just keep going into an established, automatic behavior (perseverance).


    4. Resilience

    What it is: The capacity to recover quickly from setbacks, disappointments, or outright failures, viewing setbacks not as defining moments but as valuable data and learning opportunities. 

    Why it matters in STEM: Failure isn’t a setback in STEM; it’s a feature. Scientific discovery often involves many “failed” experiments before a breakthrough. Resilience allows you to: bounce back from a low test score, analyze what went wrong, and adjust your study habits.

    Example: It can be challenging for you to picture what “resilience” looks like. Mentors provide a crucial model. When you witness your research advisor’s experiment fail, and instead of getting discouraged, your advisor calmly analyzes the data, identifies the potential sources of error, and immediately starts correcting the issues for the next trial run. These actions model resilience and teaches you how to respond appropriately to setbacks.

    STEM fields are characterized by constant challenges and an emphasis on complex problem-solving. Success relies less on your natural talent and more on your willingness to engage in a productive learning process. And that success rarely comes on the first try. It is common for an experiment to produce unexpected results or a mathematical proof to contain an error. Instead of seeing these setbacks as personal shortcomings, students need the mindsets of resilience and perseverance to see a failure as a starting point.


    Is Initiative, Resolve, Perseverance, and Resilience a Personality Trait or a Learned Skill?

    Initiative, resolve, perseverance, and resilience are generally understood as learned behaviors. Psychologists like Carol Dweck argue that these qualities stem from a Growth Mindset—the belief that our abilities and intelligence can be developed, rather than a fixed personality trait.  While some people might appear naturally more determined to manage and learn from their struggles, everyone has the capacity to develop these essential skills. 

    Think of initiative, resolve, perseverance, and resilience as learned skills that, when practiced consistently, become an integral, defining part of your character or personality. For a STEM student, it is critical to recognize the value in treating them as skills that require deliberate practice.


    The Power of Role Models, Mentors, and External Expectations

    The skills of initiative, resolve, perseverance, and resilience isn’t something you can achieve entirely on your own, however you can always begin the process. The most effective and the smoothest path to growth in these areas requires external guidance. Role models, mentors, and the right external expectations act as a vital catalyst in forging these qualities.

    How do role models, mentors, and external expectations cultivate these critical skills? Here are four key examples:

    Observation: Professors, Mentors, and Role Models provide critical “how-to” knowledge. Observing an experienced chemist handle an instrument failure calmly or a scientist gracefully accept and learn from a failed experiment offers a real-world demonstration of resilience and perseverance in action.

    Accountability: External expectations, whether it is from a professor, mentor, or a course syllabus, establish defined goals and deadlines that require action. Taking on a challenging project with its external pressures, its deadlines and reporting requirements, serves as a catalyst. It triggers the initiative needed to start and, crucially, builds the internal resolve and strength required for sustained effort toward completion.

    A Defined Strategy for Success: Effective teachers and mentors avoid simply giving answers. Instead, they offer focused, constructive feedback, guide individuals through roadblocks, and recognize small achievements. This strategic support reinforces successful behaviors, driving long-term competence and success.

    Reinforcement and Feedback: These critical skills are only learned effectively when you receive balanced feedback from your professors and mentors, parents as well – positive reinforcement when you suceed and constructive criticism when you fall short. 


    A Strategy for Your Personal Growth and Success

    As you navigate your academic life and plan for a career in science, technology, engineering, or math, your focus must extend beyond formulas and facts. You need to actively look for opportunities to develop your initiative, resolve, perseverance, and resilience. So take action with the following approach:

    1. Embrace the Hard Stuff: Never shy away from difficult assignments or complex projects. Challenges are opportunities in disguise.

    2. Treat Failures as Data: Every setback is not an end, but a valuable data point. Analyze what went wrong and adjust your approach.

    3. Actively Seek Mentors: Find someone whose approach to challenges inspires you, and commit to learning from their wisdom and experience.

    4. Practice Self-Reflection: When things get tough, take a moment to ask yourself: How did I react? What could I do differently next time?


    Conclusion

    These qualities are not just career buzzwords; they are the foundation of personal growth and the essential fuel for scientific discovery and innovation. The combination of strong grades and these four psychological attributes is what ultimately separates a good student from future success in their career path, capable of making a difference in a STEM field. Cultivate them, and you will do more than just succeed in STEM; you will thrive in every aspect of your life.

  • Weekly Quotation: November, 7, 2025: Life is More Than This Moment

    Weekly Quotation: November, 7, 2025: Life is More Than This Moment

    For your consideration:

    Don’t let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.

    – Richard L. Evans


    In 1988, I made a difficult decision to leave a job I loved as a Technical Support Engineer for Hewlett-Packard Co.’s Advanced Chemical Systems R&D group in Avondale, PA. My wife and her family wanted us to return to Louisville, KY, and I complied, despite having no job lined up and feeling utterly defeated. My work at H.P. was not only my passion but also a significant part of my self-worth.

    Eventually, I found employment in Louisville as a GC/MS chemist in LabCorp’s toxicology department. Over time, I rediscovered my passion in a completely different area of chemistry. My perspective on life shifted from second-guessing my decision to leave H.P. to a renewed sense of belonging and purpose, albeit in a new environment.

    My journey through multiple career changes, though often painful, has been a significant part of my growth. Now, at 67, I see these experiences as instrumental in shaping me into the person I am meant to be, right here, right now.

    We all share in the experience of personal growth. Life is a journey that extends beyond any single moment. We will inevitably face decisions or setbacks that affect us emotionally, socially, or professionally. Through these obstacles and mistakes, we learn to persevere. Every experience, good or bad, contributes to our future selves. We can choose to regret the past, or we can recognize that those decisions have shaped who we are today.

  • Self-assessment Exercise Four: Practicing the Art of Self-reflection and Evaluating Your Openness for Change 

    Self-assessment Exercise Four: Practicing the Art of Self-reflection and Evaluating Your Openness for Change 

    For your consideration:

    “You know, to be able to do something great in your life, you’re gonna have to realize your failures. You’re gonna have to embrace them and figure out how to overcome it.” 

    – Dave Chappelle


    Introduction


    Honest self-reflection is a precursor to self-awareness and the starting point for our discussion of personal growth. To start to know yourself, you need to consider who you are and what’s important to you at this point in your life. This is the final of four exercises designed to encourage you to take the time to think about and identify your goals and motivations. This exercise is designed to help you understand the forces driving your pursuit of a key personal or professional goal. It may help you know yourself better, figure out your goals, and make more informed decisions about your future. It may also help you to develop a stronger sense of purpose and direction in life. 


    Key Points to Remember

    Be honest with yourself; there are no right or wrong answers, and no judgment is attached to your responses.

    Take your time with these exercises, thinking about what is important to you and why.

    As you work through each prompt, take a moment to record your thoughts. These reflections serve as a valuable resource when developing self-awareness.


    Self-reflection and Your Openness for Change


    Prompts


    Prompt #1: 

    Think back over the past year. List one thing that you wish you could do over. Did you react harshly to a person’s comments or criticize someone unfairly? Were you given an opportunity to display your talents and skills or asked to do something meaningful and, for whatever reason, failed to meet expectations? Is there a decision you made whose consequences did you more harm than good? If so, what did you learn from the situation? What could you have done differently? If this is a repeating occurrence or behavior, are you willing to and how do you intend to change your behavior in the future?


    Prompt #2:

    Is there someone in your past who has left a lasting impression due to their constant support and guidance? This person consistently stood by you during times of need, providing advice, emotional and financial assistance, all without expecting anything in return. Someone who may not have said what you wanted to hear at the time, but precisely what you needed to hear. How did you respond to their guidance: were you grateful for their wisdom, or did you harbor resentment? Do you consider this person to be a role model for you? If so, how have these interactions changed your perspective on life and working with others?


    Prompt #3

    List three things you value most regarding your personal growth, for example: Faith, Family, Financial Freedom, Recognition, Success. Now, look back at the past 2 weeks, what was your time investment on your personal growth process? How many hours did you dedicate to activities directly serving these three values? Which activity or relationship gave you the greatest sense of satisfaction or positive reinforcement (exothermic growth)? Was there a drain on your energy levels (endothermic growth)? What activity or relationship consumed the most of your emotional or mental energy, often leaving you depleted?


    Self-assessment Conclusion


    You’ve completed the vital work of moving from self-reflection to action by honestly considering answering these questions. You’ve identified and acknowledged any recurring failures and regrets (Prompt #1), influential mentors and guidance in your life (Prompt #2), and, most importantly, evaluated your personal energy investment (Prompt #3).

    As discussed in a previous blog post, the Law of Conservation of Energy applies to personal growth: you cannot generate more personal energy; you can only reallocate it to different endeavors. 

    Your life is subject to this law. Every time you dedicate mental or emotional energy to low-value activities or relationships that drain you, you’re experiencing endothermic growth; that energy is simply lost.

    Conversely, when you commit to activities aligned with your most important values—such as your faith, mastering concepts or talents, your family, or financial desires – you’re exhibiting exothermic personal growth. You’re releasing your stored personal energy, producing serious personal growth. While these endeavors may be challenging in the moment, this process (perseverance and resilience) builds the person you truly desire to be.

    With the four parts of your self-assessment now complete and your answers identified, the crucial next step is to actively pursue the traits, habits, and desires that will help you become your best self. We all need, no, we all must, stop passively waiting for change. So utilize this blueprint of your values and begin, right now, to invest your personal energy in becoming the person you desire to be.

  • Self-assessment Exercise Three: Identifying Your Expectations and Beliefs

    Self-assessment Exercise Three: Identifying Your Expectations and Beliefs

    For your consideration:

    “Lower expectations do not lead to happiness, no matter how often they are met.”

    – Michael Jordan


    Introduction


    Honest self-reflection is a precursor to self-awareness and the starting point for our discussion of personal growth. To start to know yourself, you need to consider who you are and what’s important to you at this point in your life. This is the third of four exercises designed to encourage you to take the time to think about and identify your goals and motivations. This exercise is designed to help you understand the forces driving your pursuit of a key personal or professional goal. It may help you know yourself better, figure out your goals, and make more informed decisions about your future. It may also help you to develop a stronger sense of purpose and direction in life. 


    Key Points to Remember

    • Be honest with yourself; there are no right or wrong answers, and no judgment is attached to your responses.
    • Take your time with these exercises, thinking about what is important to you and why.
    • As you work through each prompt, take a moment to record your thoughts. These reflections serve as a valuable resource when developing self-awareness.

    Expectations and Beliefs


    Description of the Types of Expectations

    Expectations can be broadly categorized into two types: internal (intrinsic) and external (extrinsic). While there are subtle distinctions between internal and intrinsic, and external and extrinsic, for clarity in this explanation, I will group them together.

    Internal (intrinsic) Expectations

    Internal (Intrinsic) expectations originate within you. These are the personal standards that influence your behavior, performance, and character. They can take various forms. These might include physical goals, such as training for a marathon; a commitment to daily habits like a 10-minute meditation; value-based principles like kindness and honesty; or quality standards, such as the expectation that your work will be perfect when you submit it.

    Your motivation to meet these expectations stems from intrinsic factors such as your personal values, ambitions, self-worth, and the desire for self-improvement. The primary reason is often the desire to meet your own standards for mastering new content or ideas, exploring your passions and interests, your process of personal growth, and a sense of satisfaction. For instance, you might set an expectation to practice the guitar for an hour daily, motivated purely by the love of improving and the music itself, finding your reward in the satisfaction you receive from the activity.

    External (extrinsic) Expectations

    External (extrinsic) expectations originate from outside yourself. They are standards, rules, or requests set by other people, your parents, friends, coworkers, or society in general. For example: a deadline for a project (either in class or at work), your parents or a spouse’s request for you to do a specific household chore, a job description or class syllabus listing how your performance at work or class will be measured, or perhaps a societal standard on how you “should” behave, dress, or define success to be accepted. At its core, with external (extrinsic) expectations, your primary desire is often to meet the standards of others.

    Accountability to others, the pursuit of rewards like promotions or praise, and the avoidance of negative consequences such as disapproval from parents, friends, or bosses, poor grades, or losing a job, are often key internal (intrinsic) motivators for meeting external expectations. External (extrinsic) motivations, by comparison, are generally less fluid and flexible because changing the expectations of others requires you to negotiate the terms of the expectations and seek agreement with another person.

    Bottom Line 

    Your expectations need to be realistic and attainable, plus align with your personal goals and ambitions. You must remain true to yourself and your beliefs and core values, regardless of how difficult it may seem at times. Negotiating expectations is a major component of the personal growth process.


    Prompts


    Prompt #1: 

    Whose expectations have the strongest influence on your life, and that you feel obligated to meet? Are they aligned with your own beliefs and desires? How do you manage those expectations and stay true to your dreams and goals?


    Prompt #2:

    List three things you expect from yourself (for example, I expect myself to spend 30 minutes each day writing). How do these expectations impact your daily decisions and actions? Does meeting your expectations give you self-confidence and encourage you to do more? Or do these expectations overwhelm you? 


    Prompt #3: 

    Think about a recent time when you exceeded an expectation. Did you take time to acknowledge and celebrate that success? If not, why? Recognizing your “wins” is an important component of self-care.


    Prompt #4:

    Think about your expectations for others (friends, family, or people in general). Are these expectations realistic and attainable? How do they align with what you expect from yourself, your goals, and your beliefs? 


    Up Next: Practicing the Art of Self-reflection and Evaluating Your Openness for Change 

    The last set of prompts, part four of the series, will ask you to practice the art of self-reflection and evaluate your openness for change.

  • Self-assessment Exercise Two: Understanding Your Goals and Motivations

    Self-assessment Exercise Two: Understanding Your Goals and Motivations

    For your consideration:

    “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to just try one more time.”

    – Thomas Edison


    Introduction


    Honest self-reflection is a precursor to self-awareness and the starting point for our discussion of personal growth. To start to know yourself, you need to consider who you are and what’s important to you at this point in your life. This is the second of four exercises designed to encourage you to take the time to think about and identify your goals and motivations. This exercise is designed to help you understand the forces driving your pursuit of a key personal or professional goal. It may help you understand yourself better, figure out your goals, and make more informed decisions about your future. It may also help you to develop a stronger sense of purpose and direction in life.


    Key Points to Remember

    • Be honest with yourself; there are no right or wrong answers, and no judgment is attached to your responses.
    • Take your time with these exercises, thinking about what is important to you and why.
    • As you work through each prompt, take a moment to record your thoughts. These reflections can serve as a valuable resource for developing self-awareness.

    Goals and Motivations


    A Quick Refresher Regarding the Types of Motivation

    Intrinsic motivation is the drive that comes from within. You do it because the act itself is enjoyable, satisfying, or aligns with your core values and sense of purpose (e.g., learning a skill because you are passionate about learning, solving a puzzle for the challenge).

    Extrinsic motivation is the drive that derives from external factors. You do it for a separable outcome, like a reward, recognition, status, or to avoid punishment (e.g., working hard for a bonus, getting a degree to impress others).

    Healthy motivation is often a blend of both, but an over-reliance on extrinsic factors can be unsustainable and lead to burnout.


    Prompts


    Prompt #1: 

    Choose one significant goal you are currently working towards regarding your personal success or growth. Describe it in one or two clear sentences.


    Prompt #2:

    List the things that truly motivate you to achieve this goal. Are they intrinsic motivations (lead to a sense of accomplishment or happiness) or extrinsic (money, job title, or recognition). How did these motivations influence your selection of this goal? 


    Prompt #3: 

    Think of a past achievement you’re proud of. What motivated you in this endeavor, and how did it make you feel to achieve it?


    Prompt #4: 

    Think of a time you overcame an unexpected challenge or setback. What motivated you to keep going? What did you learn from that experience? How, if any, has it changed the way you set goals in the future?


    Up Next: Expectations and Beliefs

    The next set of prompts, part three of the series, will ask you to examine your expectations and your belief system.


  • Self-assessment Exercise One: Identifying Your Dreams and Aspirations

    Self-assessment Exercise One: Identifying Your Dreams and Aspirations

    For your consideration:

    “The only thing that stands between you and your dream is the will to try and the belief that it is actually possible.”

    – Joel Brown


    Introduction


    Honest self-reflection is a precursor to self-awareness and the starting point for our discussion of personal growth. To start to know yourself, you need to consider who you are and what’s important to you at this point in your life. This is the first of four exercises designed to encourage you to take the time to think about and identify your dreams, aspirations, motivations, and expectations. It may help you understand yourself better, figure out your goals, and make more informed decisions about your future. It may also help you to develop a stronger sense of purpose and direction in life. 


    Key Points to Remember:

    • Be honest with yourself; there are no right or wrong answers, and no judgment is attached to your responses.
    • Take your time with each prompt, thinking about what is important to you and why.
    • As you work through each prompt, take a moment to record your thoughts. These reflections can serve as a valuable resource for developing self-awareness.

    Dreams and Aspirations


    Prompt #1: 

    Consider how your dreams define you. Is there a childhood dream that you still hold onto? Ask yourself, why is it important to me? How would it feel to make that dream come true, and what sacrifices would you need to make (if any) to get there?


    Prompt #2:

    Ask yourself, “What am I currently passionate about?, and “What activities/responsibilities give me the most energy and satisfaction?, Who or what do I aspire to be or to do?” Does your happiness depend on living the life or career of your dreams?


    Prompt #3: 

    In the next 5 years, what specific achievement, title, or position must I accomplish, what impact must I have for my family, in my field of study, or in the world in general, that would represent the highest level of success and sense of self-fulfillment for me?


    Prompt #4:

    “What current skills, knowledge, or resources do I possess that will help me achieve this aspiration, and what key areas do I need to develop or acquire?” And, what is my plan to achieve those goals?


    Up Next: Goals and Motivation

    The next set of prompts, part two of the series, will ask you to identify and understand what motivates you to achieve goals you have set for yourself.


  • The Personal Growth/Chemical Reaction Analogy

    The Personal Growth/Chemical Reaction Analogy

    Key Concepts 


    Key Concept Number One: The Law of Conservation of Energy

    The law of conservation of energy applies directly to our campfire analogy by stating that all the chemical potential energy stored in the wood must be accounted for after it burns—it doesn’t just disappear, it’s simply transformed into different forms. The total energy of the heat, light, and the chemical bonds of all the byproducts is equal to the original chemical potential energy stored in the wood. No energy is lost; it has just been converted.

    In our discussion of the process of personal growth, the conservation of energy also applies. The personal energy we invest in the process — our time, focus, and emotion — is finite and must be transformed into something: either a product (your desired outcome of success) or byproducts (either intended (positive) or unintended (negative) emotional or psychological consequences of the process).


    Key Concept Number Two: The Definition and Role of an Indicator

    An Indicator in our chemical reaction/personal growth analogy is a measurable, observable, and immediate sign that the reaction mechanism is proceeding effectively and that the energy input (activation energy) is being successfully converted into the desired products. Essentially, it tells you if and how well the process is working.

    The indicator in our campfire analogy is a sustained flame producing heat and light. This is the visual and thermal evidence that the wood’s stored chemical energy is successfully converting into usable thermal and radiant energy (Heat and Light). It immediately informs us that the Activation Energy (the match/lighter) was successful and the Reaction Mechanism (the burning of the reactants) is self-sustaining.

    In the process of personal growth, self-awareness acts as an indicator. It is the ability to recognize and reflect on the state of our emotions, how effective we are in our learning process (informing us if our study habits/self-discipline are effective), and understand our behaviors. Without self-awareness, personal growth becomes a random and inefficient endeavor. It’s like “throwing ideas up against the wall to see what sticks,” a process that lacks crucial elements. This leads to a frustrating trial-and-error approach, wasting valuable time and energy.

    Therefore, self-awareness is the foundational component of our personal growth, enabling us to identify and appreciate new skills, confidence, and competence as they emerge. Simultaneously, self-awareness is crucial for detecting and managing negative byproducts like stress, frustration, or burnout, preventing them from halting the entire growth process.


    Breaking Down the Components of Our Campfire vs Personal Growth Analogy

    Let’s define start by defining our chemical reaction process as the following:

    Reactants + Catalyst + Activation Energy – Initiates – Reaction Mechanism – Yields – Products + Byproducts


    Supplies 

    What items in the campfire example or which skills in the case of personal growth, do we need to accumulate before starting each process?

    For the campfire analogy, we need: paper and kindling (small twigs and branches) to get the fire started, larger pieces of wood (logs) to serve as the fuel, and matches or a lighter to introduce heat to ignite the flame.

    Personal growth demands a combination of essential resources and skills. Essential supplies include strong communication, critical thinking, and time management skills. Additionally, we need an inherent sense of personal accountability and access to various resources such as time, money, and mentors. Information resources, whether online, textbooks, or coursework, are also crucial. Finally, a secure and supportive environment is vital for this process.


    Personal Commentary The Importance of a Safe, Secure, and Supportive Environment

    During my tine teaching middle school science, I was mentored by a teacher who advocated for a pass/fail grading policy for students during their middle school years, grades 6-8. He believed that the significant emotional and developmental changes experienced by students aged 12-15 made it more important to focus on building essential communication, study, time management and critical thinking skills rather than pressuring them with specific grade requirements. He also pointed out the growing number of students facing poverty, living in single-parent homes, living in fear of abuse, and dealing with various crises, leading to a lack of sufficient rest, parental support, and proper nutrition. Citing Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs theory, he argued that these stressors needed to be addressed before students could be expected to achieve academic excellence in the classroom.


    Reactants (Campfire vs the Process of Personal Growth Analogy)

    For our campfire analogy, the reactants are straightforward; they consist of wood (fuel), which is the source of stored potential energy, and oxygen.

    Personal growth is fueled by key personality traits. These “reactants” include creativity, an open-mindedness to new ideas, a passion for learning and problem-solving, and the crucial ability to persevere through obstacles.


    Indicators

    In the campfire analogy, the sustained flame’s heat and light serve as the indicator, visually confirming the reaction is occurring and progressing.

    Self-awareness serves as a crucial metric for our dedication to personal growth. This dedication is shaped by our curiosity, persistence, and the joy we experience from the process, As lifelong learners, our progress in these areas can be measured through our academic or career achievements.


    Activation Energy

    In the campfire analogy, the initial heat needed to ignite the paper or kindling acts as the activation energy for the combustion reaction. This reaction involves the burning of fuel (wood) in the presence of oxygen, which produces heat and light. A flame from a lighter or matches provides this initial activation energy, initiating the reaction. Once started, the heat generated by the burning wood sustains the reaction, causing subsequent additions of fuel to ignite.

    Personal growth begins with activation energy—our initial investment of effort, time, and focus. This crucial first step helps us overcome our reluctance to start new projects, defeat self-doubt, and combat our natural inertia, our resistance towards change. It requires aligning our personal goals with both our internal motivations, our drive to engage in an activity purely for the inherent pleasure, satisfaction, or challenge it provides, and external motivations, our drive to perform an activity in order to achieve rewards, praise, money, grades, status, or to avoid negative consequences (like failing a class, being grounded, or later in life, getting fired from our job).


    Catalysts

    (Important: by definition,a catalyst is never used up or depleted in the reaction process.)

    If you have ever had to build a campfire you may recognize this catalyst in the campfire analogy, it is the absolute dependence on the flow of air around and through the campfire itself. This airflow is the mechanism that speed up the process of burning, providing access to the oxygen crucial to the combustion process.  

    Personal growth is driven by catalysts, which include the foundational steps of the personal growth “building” we discussed in a previous blog post, our dreams, aspirations, and goals. These are combined with both intrinsic expectations (how we expect ourselves to progress) and extrinsic expectations (the expectations of family and others) to propel us forward in our personal growth journey.


    Reaction Mechanism

    In chemistry, a reaction mechanism is the step-by-step sequence of elementary reactions that leads from reactants to products. It’s the detailed path the reaction takes. When we apply this to personal growth, the reaction mechanism is not a single, fixed procedure but a continuous, self-correcting process.

    In our campfire analogy, the reaction process is a combustion reaction, the process of combining fuel and oxygen with the activation energy provided by the match or a lighter, to initiate a chemical reaction that produces heat and light as products.

    Personal growth is a journey towards a goal or personal transformation, much like a chemical reaction. It involves a methodical process of learning, similar to the scientific method, where knowledge is gained and applied through observation. This leads to the development of strategies, which are then implemented through habits, discipline, and focus to transform effort into skill. Ultimately, this process enables us to identify and conquer obstacles.


    Products

    We define a product as the desired output of a process, or the desired outcome of success.

    In the campfire analogy, the products are heat (thermal energy) and light.

    The desired outcome of personal growth is multifaceted, encompassing skills and competencies, such as mastering a trade, or individual definitions of success, like a specific title or salary. Ultimately, however, I would argue, we should strive in the long-term to gain in wisdom.


    Byproducts

    A campfire’s combustion reaction produces unintended and undesirable byproducts: ashes, which are mineral waste, and smoke, a form of air pollution consisting of uncombusted particles.

    Our personal growth journey, unlike a chemical reaction, yields byproducts that can be either positive or negative, depending on the nature of the growth itself. When we engage in what we call “exothermic growth,” our investment of personal energy results in a positive return or outcome. This beneficial growth produces desirable byproducts such as compassion, critical thinking skills, humility, and resiliency.

    Conversely, “endothermic growth” occurs when we invest more personal energy than we receive in return. This imbalance can lead to negative, unintended emotional or psychological consequences, including anxiety, burnout, fear, frustration, and stress.

    Therefore, self-awareness is crucial. It enables us to identify and prioritize rewarding, exothermic activities while simultaneously recognizing and minimizing endothermic activities that drain our personal energy and are misaligned with our personal goals and ambitions.


    Conclusion

    In conclusion, just like a well-tended campfire provides warmth and light, a mindful approach to personal growth can yield profound and lasting benefits. By understanding the “chemistry” of our own development—recognizing the needed components, our supplies, reactants, and the crucial role of activation energy and catalysts—we can more effectively guide our journey. Cultivating self-awareness allows us to prioritize “exothermic growth” and minimize the less desirable “endothermic” byproducts, ensuring our personal evolution is not only productive but also sustainable and deeply rewarding.

  • Weekly Quotation: October 7, 2025: The Power of Humility and Wisdom

    Weekly Quotation: October 7, 2025: The Power of Humility and Wisdom

    For your consideration:

    The moment we believe that success is determined by an ingrained level of ability as opposed to resilience and hard work, we will be brittle in the face of adversity.

    – Joshua Waitzkin


    I believe we are all endowed by God with unique gifts and abilities. Our professional and personal success is determined by how we embrace the responsibilities that accompany these blessings. From my experience, the belief that one is the “smartest person in the room,” based on a misguided self-assessment or external validation, such as our parents for example, and therefore we don’t need to make an investment of time and effort in our own success, is pure arrogance and a path to failure.

    Throughout my life, I’ve made the mistake of thinking I didn’t need to put in the effort, acknowledge my shortcomings, or address my weaknesses by seeking counsel from more knowledgeable and experienced individuals. Shamefully, I follow the same pattern too often. When I’m offered a new opportunity that challenges my present mindset, I throw myself wholeheartedly into gaining the knowledge needed to be successful. Yet, once I feel like I am recognized as an “expert” by my supervisors, coworkers, or, worse yet, my own perception of my abilities, I become arrogant, stop seeking the input of others, and start to think that my way is the only way. For every step forward along my path to personal success, I take two steps back.

    Now in my sixties, I have lived enough life to understand that wisdom is a crucial component in facing adversity, in persevering through hard times, and in being resilient. Wisdom that comes through knowledge and experience. A wisdom I’ve found by rediscovering scripture, particularly the books of Psalms and Proverbs. Despite how the world and technology have evolved, the struggles we encounter as humans on our journey to becoming better people remain the same. We simply need to be humble enough to seek guidance beyond ourselves.