Just knowing you don’t have the answers is a recipe for humility, openness, acceptance, forgiveness, and an eagerness to learn – and those are all good things.
– Dick Van Dyke
Learning to be humble, to express gratitude for what you have been given, opportunities you have been offered, and for everyone who supports you, emotionally and monetarily, is essential for our journey of personal growth. It requires self-awareness, recognizing what we do not know or understand, admitting our faults and weaknesses, as well as identifying our strengths. Waking up each day seeking to be a better person than you were the day before. And, when you make mistakes, be willing to take ownership of them, seeking forgiveness where needed, and taking the lessons you learned from them to heart, striving not to repeat the same mistakes.
“Just knowing you don’t have the answers is a recipe for humility, openness, acceptance, forgiveness, and an eagerness to learn—and those are all good things.”
– Dick Van Dyke
Over the years, I mistakenly believed I had all the answers and was the “smartest” person in the room. My arrogance was compounded by my eagerness to dominate conversations and express my views, which only highlighted my lack of knowledge. However, with age came the understanding that true intelligence involves actively listening to others’ opinions and perspectives. There is much to gain if I simply take the time to listen. By humbly acknowledging my shortcomings, refraining from imposing my opinions, and remaining open to alternative approaches, I can cultivate humility and grow in wisdom.
Throughout our lives, we are constantly asked, “What do you want to do?” “What are your goals?” and “What do you expect to achieve?” These aren’t just questions in a job interview or at a parent-teacher conference; they are at the heart of our motivations and expectations.
Motivations: The Source of Your Personal Growth Blueprint
Motivations are the “why” behind your work. Think of them as the desire that inspires you as the architect of your personal growth —the deep, personal reasons you to start your personal growth journey in the first place.
Why do you wake up every morning and choose to work hard? Is it to solve a problem that fascinates you, to help others, for financial security, or to gain recognition? The reasons we tackle any task are our motivations. Knowing what truly motivates you is the difference between building a life that fulfills you and simply going through the motions. Without understanding your motivations, you risk creating a blueprint that someone else designed for you, leaving you feeling empty even after you’ve “finished” the job. Your motivations are your fuel. They provide the passion and perseverance necessary to overcome challenges and bring a vision to life.
Intrinsic Motivation
Intrinsic motivation is deeply personal and originates from within us. It is a dynamic force that drives us to participate in activities simply for the joy and satisfaction they bring. This type of motivation is closely tied to our dreams and aspirations. It is what pushes us to achieve personal goals, pursue our passions, and continuously work to improve ourselves. When you’re driven by what you truly want and value, not just other people’s demands, you feel in control and that you’re making your own choices.
Extrinsic Motivation
On the other hand, extrinsic motivation comes from outside influences and the rewards they offer. You do the activity not because you enjoy it, but because of what you’ll get from it, whether that’s something you can touch or something less tangible. These benefits could include things like grades, praise, recognition, money, or social status. While extrinsic motivation can be a useful tool for achieving specific goals, it is important to recognize that it can also have its limitations. If we completely rely on extrinsic motivation, not on our desires and expectations, it can leave us feeling unsatisfied, empty, even though we have achieved the benefits we were seeking.
How They Relate to Each Other
What really drives us comes from both intrinsic and extrinsic motivations. We might do things just because they make us feel good or because we’re curious (that’s intrinsic). Or, we might do things for external reasons, like getting a bonus or to get an “A” on a report card (that’s extrinsic). Usually, it’s a mix of both. Take getting a master’s degree, for instance, you might want the opportunity to learn and grow (intrinsic), but you may also think about the better job opportunities the degree provides and the more money you can make (extrinsic).
Striking a balance between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation is often the key to achieving long-term success and happiness. While external rewards can provide a temporary boost, it is the internal drive and passion that sustains us over time. It is important to cultivate your intrinsic motivation by identifying activities that you genuinely enjoy and find meaningful. This may involve exploring our interests, discovering your passions, and setting personal goals that align with your values.
To truly understand our motivations, we must also practice the art of self-reflection. This means asking yourself tough questions about what drives you, what rewards are you seeking, and if your motivations align with your fundamental values. As you grow, your motivations change, so it’s an ongoing process. You’ll need to regularly check if what drives you still aligns with your goals and helps you feel good overall.
When we get to know ourselves better and understand what really motivates us, we can make smarter decisions, set goals that truly matter, and live a life that feels more deliberate and fulfilling. Just remember, real motivation comes from within, and that inner drive is what helps us reach our full potential.
Expectations: The Specifications of Your Personal Growth Blueprint
While motivations explain the “why,” expectations clarify the “what” and “how much,” serving as precise specifications on a blueprint. Expectations come from two sources: external expectations, which are standards set by others, like our parents’ expectations for us or a boss’s performance objectives, which represents what the world anticipates from you. Internal expectations, which are the standards you impose on yourself, such as desired grades, work quality, or personal values, representing the standards you uphold for yourself.
As the architect of your personal growth, you must be keenly aware of both. You cannot build a solid structure without a clear plan. Your expectations provide the necessary direction and the measurable goals that turn your motivations into real actions.
External Motivations
Throughout our lives, external expectations are placed upon us by others. During childhood and our teenage years, these expectations primarily come from parents and teachers, who set standards for how well we do in school, our behavior, and how we act in social settings. As we enter adulthood, the sources of external expectations broaden to include employers, people we work with, friends, partners, and society in general. These can include a wide range of areas, such as our career success, being stable financially, our relationships, and meeting society’s expectations.
It’s great to get guidance and motivation from others, but remember that what others expect isn’t always what we really want or value. Trying to make everyone happy can leave you feeling overwhelmed, not good enough, and like you’ve lost control. It’s important to figure out which external expectations are worth chasing and which ones you should politely pass on, always putting your own well-being and personal growth first.
Internal Expectations
Our internal expectations originate from our personal values, goals, and aspirations, reflecting our beliefs about our capabilities. These internal expectations span various aspects of life, including personal growth, career success, healthy living, our relationships, and our creative pursuits. While they can be a powerful motivator, driving us to excel, it’s vital that that our internal expectations remain realistic.
Let’s be honest, most of us, myself included, have at some point in our lives created unrealistic expectations about how quickly we should be able to master something – studying for an exam, getting a promotion, completing a training course. Perhaps it’s “I expect to be paid ‘x’ number of dollars for working as a (fill in the blank) because they’re lucky to have me.” Or, “I shouldn’t have to start at the bottom and work my way up, because they’re lucky to have me.”
Unattainable standards or expecting instant success can lead to frustration and a sense of failure. It is crucial to be patient with yourself, practice self-compassion, acknowledge that progress requires time and effort, remember to embrace a growth mindset, and celebrate minor achievements to keep motivated.
How They Relate to Each Other
What we expect from ourselves often comes from outside sources like what society tells us, educational standards, and seeing what other people have achieved. It’s important to know yourself and your aspirations, and consider just where these expectations come from. Do they actually fit with what we value and love, or are we just trying to please others and get their approval?
How we feel about ourselves, our self-worth, and self-esteem really gets shaped by a combination of what we expect of ourselves and what others expect of us. When we meet or even go beyond those expectations, it feels great. But if we miss the mark, it can lead to feeling down, ashamed, or just not good enough.
Remember that your value as a person isn’t tied to always meeting every expectation, whether it’s something we put on ourselves or something someone else expects. You’re growing and changing all the time, and hitting roadblocks or messing up is just part of the deal. By being kind to yourself, accepting who you are, and focusing on what truly drives you from the inside, you can build a strong sense of self-worth that will stick with you, no matter what others think or how much pressure we feel.
The Role of Our Aspirations
Knowing what you want, your aspirations, is key to setting your own expectations. When your expectations come from inside you, they lead to lasting happiness. But if they’re just based on what others think, that happiness won’t stick around. To find balance, make sure your goals match your aspirations, what you truly important to you. Be proud of what you achieve, even if no one else is cheering, and be kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned. Always put your values, passions, and goals first.
Motivations, Expectations, and Your Blueprint for Personal Growth
The true strength of motivations and expectations is how they interact with each other. Motivations provide vision and energy, while expectations offer the set of instructions on our blueprint for personal growth.
Personal growth occurs when your internal motivations are in harmony with your chosen expectations. This alignment is key to truly designing your growth blueprint. For example, if you love helping people, you might volunteer or work in public service. Or, if you’re motivated to become an expert, you’ll naturally keep learning and improving your skills.
Remember, in the end, life is not just about ticking off a bunch of external boxes on a to-do list. It’s about really understanding what drives you and then picking goals that help you build a life that feels truly meaningful and personal.
You’re building your personal growth building, and you’re the architect. This “architect” is your guide, turning your dreams into a clear vision of what you want to achieve. You acting as your personal growth architect will create a “blueprint” for your development, showing you the structure and key parts of your metaphorical building. Making sure your goals are solid and well defined, explaining how your dreams and goals create a strong foundation for your motivation and expectations, which then helps you move forward.
But this role of an architect isn’t just about getting things done; it also focuses on how you experience your journey. It ensures everything lines up with who you want to be, both personally and publicly, making your whole growth process real and rewarding. As you start putting your plans into action, this architect offers a blueprint to follow, providing guidance, keeping you on track, helping you adjust, and making sure everything fits with your overall strategy.
Ultimately, your growth blueprint helps you be clear on your vision, create a smart plan, connect different parts of your development, and finally build the life you imagine. Your growth architect could be your inner self, or a mentor, a coach, or even a structured way of thinking about yourself and your future. Regardless of who assumes the role of your personal growth architect, the blueprint design process begins with self-awareness.
The Role of Self-awareness
The most significant component in designing your blueprint for personal growth is self-awareness. It is the prerequisite—our knowledge of who we are and what we desire—on which our blueprint is based.
Self-awareness can be a complex idea, but consider it this way: I know I want to grow a vegetable garden (self-awareness), versus with my role as an architect on this project, which involves the actual design (blueprint), selecting the plants, and determining their care.
Self-awareness allows me to understand what I want to do and why I want to do it, my dreams, aspirations, goals, motivations, and expectations. In this particular example, it involves asking: Why do I want a garden? Why is it important to me? What do I expect it to look like? How soon do I want it ready? Once this groundwork is complete, only then can I take on the role of the architect and prepare a blueprint.
My Dad was a civil engineer. Where an architect works with people wanting to design their new home or businesses wanting to design new office space, my Dad would meet with developers planning new subdivisions, turning their ideas into detailed blueprints for streets, utilities, and home lots. Then, with a survey crew, he’d mark out key locations precisely, giving construction crews exact points to build from. His careful supervision continued until the project was complete.
I still remember spending Saturday and Sunday afternoons helping my Dad in the field, measuring distances between property lines, new home foundations, utility lines, and easements. I really liked the work, so much so that during college summers, I’d join a survey crew for the Kentucky State Department of Highways, where my Dad was the District Engineer. It allowed me to use the math and physics concepts that I enjoyed from college. Why I didn’t follow in my Dad’s footsteps and become a civil engineer, I don’t know. I guess, like all of us, I needed to find my own path in life.
I wish I had learned to create a clear blueprint for my life’s dreams and aspirations—something with defined goals and objectives, ways to track my progress, and built-in accountability. Back in college, some of my friends were way ahead of me on this. One good friend, who’s a doctor now, followed in his Dad’s footsteps. He showed up at Centre with a complete and detailed academic plan, knowing exactly which classes he needed for medical school and how hard he’d have to work to achieve the grades he wanted. He even found friends who shared his views to team up with, keeping each other accountable and supporting one another through tough times.
Looking back, I spent my years throughout high school and my freshman year at Centre unsure of my direction. It wasn’t until my sophomore year, when I met Dr. Walkup, that I found a true mentor. He guided me, set clear expectations for success, and, crucially, held me accountable. Forty-five years later, in my late 60’s, I’d like to believe I know what I’m doing, but sometimes I still have my doubts. Even now, I find myself still searching for a blueprint on how to be the best father, grandfather, husband, and person I can be.
“Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.”
Albert Einstein
When we are young, and even throughout high school and college, we are frequently asked some form of the following question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Our answer would usually consist of career choices, such as a doctor, a lawyer, a fireman, a teacher, etc.
My answer, at least until my disastrous freshman year at Centre College, was I wanted to be a doctor. Not because that was my first choice, but because that was my Mom’s desire for me. I have to admit I had no idea what I wanted to be.
But from my perspective, after being on this planet for 67 years, a more important question that should be asked, and I wish someone had asked me, is: “How do you want to be known, as a person, when you grow up?” Not what my job title will be, not how successful I will be, or how much money I’ll make. But who, what kind of person am I? How will I be remembered? What value do I bring to the world around me?
Knowing, identifying, who we are as a person is a necessary step in finding the answer to that question. This involves understanding what is important to us, what are our dreams, aspirations, goals, motivations, and expectations. Additionally, we must recognize that growth is a process; there is a method we must follow to become the person we want to be. In essence, there is a journey of personal growth we must experience. Your journey, and mine, applies beyond our “academic” learning experiences and encompasses every area of our lives. This broader “spectrum” of learning includes life experiences, emotional intelligence, social interactions, and spiritual growth. EVERY experience, big or small, contributes to our overall growth.
This journey is a lifelong endeavor that is different for every individual, Yours will be totally different from mine, or your parents. There are no step-by-step instructions or a road map that we all can follow.
I may have a certain perspective on the topic, but my views are uniquely mine alone, and do not necessarily apply to situation. The biggest mistake I made in the classroom was assuming that my students shared the same passions for problem-solving and for learning that I did. I expected them to be more like me and did not recognize where they were in their own individual journeys.
There is no starting point or ending point; it is non-linear and cyclical, not a straight line between points A and B. It involves the support and influence of others, your parents, your family members, teachers, and friends. Influences that may cause you to lose sight of your own goals and expectations in favor of meeting other people’s expectations, becoming an obstacle to your own well-being. Social media pressures and your family dynamics may obscure your own internal compass.
Your journey requires constant observation, reflection, and analysis, allowing you to perceive the world around you in greater clarity, appreciating the complexity and the connectivity. You will gain new insights, encounter new situations, and overcome limitations – shifting your perspectives on life (if you allow it). The satisfaction of overcoming challenges, learning new skills, and being aware of your progress will motivate you to continue learning and growing. Your expectations of yourself will change. You will set more ambitious goals, face challenges with more confidence, and appreciate the value of lifelong learning.
Creating Your Own Map
In our minds, we create a map, so to speak, of where we’re headed in our lives, what steps we need to follow, and how long we expect it to take. As you follow your map, you’ll be exposed to new experiences, perspectives, and challenges, forcing you to reevaluate your goals and expectations and your course. Follow your internal compass – your intuition, your moral compass, or your core values that guide you even when your map and where you are headed seem unclear. Think of the people who have supported you in your journey, like family, friends, and mentors, as fellow travelers or guides along your journey.
Role of Family
Everyone’s journey begins with family, shaping our values, ideals, and our early understanding of the world around us. Your family background serves, to use a chemistry term, as the catalyst for your journey. It helps to shape your values, beliefs, and early understanding of the world around you. And while your family situation has a significant influence on your journey, it is important to recognize that your family situation and your genetic predisposition does not define you – you can overcome any family dysfunction, becoming your own person with your own values and beliefs through self-awareness and hard work. It may take some time for you to find your way but it will happen.
High School Years
High school is a critical period in our lives. It is a time when you start to figure out who you are and become more independent, developing your own values that may differ from your family’s. Relationships with friends can be complicated, and you might face the challenge of choosing between fitting in with a group and staying true to yourself.
Learning how to think critically and solve problems are important academic skills that are developed during high school. Thinking critically means to
High school is where it is important to boost your critical thinking and problem-solving skills. Critical thinking basically means thinking clearly and logically, and being able to connect ideas. It’s all about looking at facts, evidence, things you observe, and arguments to come up with good conclusions and make smart choices. Your opportunities to improve these skill sets may not exist as much in the classroom, especially with the teach-to-the-test philosophy that permeates our secondary schools, but can be nurtured elsewhere, for example, playing video games.
I can’t emphasize enough that it’s the process of learning is what is valuable throughout your life, even though the class material itself is only important in the short term to pass the next exam.
During these formative years you learn the importance of taking responsibility for your actions, both at home and in the classroom. Additionally, you will learn to recognize that you may not have all the answers and that you will need help and guidance from others, including your parents, teachers, and other people in your life.
Life can be challenging, and we often find ourselves merely surviving, going through the motions. Struggles can arise anytime, whether in school, work, or personal life. Times when it’s difficult to know what the right thing to do is, the right decision to make, it’s all we can do to get up in the morning and go through the motions of daily life. School becomes a struggle – keeping up in the classroom, finishing homework on time, and maintaining good grades. It’s even more important during these difficult times to develop a support network, whether it is through your faith, a trusted friend, or mentor.
These struggles are not just limited to your high school years; they may occur at any time along your career path. Life can throw you a lot of curve balls, unexpected events like illnesses, losing close friends or loved ones, or sudden opportunities that throw you off balance and make you reroute your path. But remember, all these things are valuable learning opportunities, events that help you discover new strengths, become more resilient and self-reliant.
And finally, in high school, you begin to make decisions about your future education and career. You might decide that college isn’t for you, and that’s okay. Your long-term goals may not require a college degree, and you can always change your mind later. The important thing is to identify your passion and develop a vision for your future.
College and Career
This segment of our lives is where we truly embark on our personal journey, where we step into uncharted territory, so to speak. We establish our independence, for some, living away from home for the first time. We form intimate relationships, develop skills needed for our career choice, and build a network of friends, colleagues, and mentors that may last a lifetime.
You will not always know which path you should follow or what role you are meant to play. It is only natural for you to make some wrong turns in your journey and at times feel lost. But it is so very important to realize these missteps, whether they are small or large, are valuable learning experiences. They teach us to be resilient and the importance of adaptability and self-correction – all benefits of practicing the art of self-awareness. And sometimes, regardless of the path we follow, we end up exactly where we are meant to be. Meaning we can’t always control the circumstances and situations we face in our lifetime; the best we can hope for is to be the best version of ourselves at the end of our journey. Knowing your own limitations is valuable; it requires an understanding of both your strengths and weaknesses. Regardless of what point you’re at in life, frequent self-assessments can be beneficial. To get you started, you’ll find one on the Self-assessment page of this blog.
The terms “hard skills” and “soft skills” were first used by the U.S. Army in the early 1970’s to distinguish between technical and interpersonal abilities (Britannica Money, 2025). The term “soft skills” is specifically attributed to researcher Paul G. Whitmore, who used it in a 1972 U.S. Army training conference (MDPI, 2023; PMC, 2023).
You’re presented with and expected to learn and master a great deal of technical information (hard skills) in your STEM coursework and on-the-job training. These “hard skills” are the specific, teachable abilities related to your particular field of interest. And while that know-how is important, it’s not the only thing that matters. Instructors tend to focus so heavily on teaching the technical aspects (computer programming, data analysis, math, and scientific principles) that they tend to neglect or overlook equally important soft skills such as communication, critical thinking, leadership, perseverance, resilience, problem-solving, and time management.
Soft skills, like hard skills, may be developed through practice, self-awareness, training, and experience. These four are essential for your success: practice (you must make an investment in time and effort), self-awareness (recognize your strengths and weaknesses, your goals and aspirations), training (throughout your career there is a need for continuing education), and experience (success does not happen overnight, it accrues over your lifetime.)
Over the years, I’ve had the opportunity to learn many skills, from operating and maintaining advanced analytical instrumentation to chemical applications development to curriculum design. Yet, I did not develop the foundational “soft skills” I needed to be successful. Yes, I had the communication skills; I could sell ice cubes to an Eskimo, as one of my administrators used to say, I was passionate about solving problems, and I excelled at critical thinking. But no one had discussed with me, so I never truly developed or practiced the skills of perseverance and resilience. Nor did I recognize the dangers of my pride and the importance of humility. The lack of these traits caused me to struggle, to alienate the people I worked for and with, and when things got tough, to give up and switch directions, never accomplishing what I intended to do. Additionally, I was not introduced to the concept of self-awareness until late in life, a skill that would have assisted me greatly throughout my career.
