What is Grace?
Grace is just about being kind, patient, and forgiving without anyone having to earn it. It means choosing not to beat yourself up (or someone else) when things don’t go perfectly, or expectations aren’t met.
I see grace as a foundational element of our character that requires constant tending as we grow into the best person we can be. It is critical in our relationships, whether it is with our loved ones, coworkers, or those we may supervise. I see it as a function of our self-awareness and a result of our perspective on life and how we perceive ourselves.
Offering Grace to Others
Offering grace to others means choosing kindness and patience in the situation, even when your expectations aren’t met. Start by assuming positive intent—believing that, for the most part, people do not intend to cause harm—and try to recognize that everyone deals with “stuff” you may not see or know about, such as stress, fatigue, or past experiences that influence their behavior. Choose to cultivate the long-term success of your relationship over the temporary satisfaction of winning an argument, and you may nurture deeper connections. A practical and, at times, very difficult way to implement this is to “pause,” wait ten seconds before reacting to someone else’s negative reaction or response. This brief interval provides you with the necessary mental and emotional clarity to ensure a compassionate, thoughtful response that triumphs over an immediate, impulsive reaction.
Offering Grace to Yourself
Grace is a result of how we perceive ourselves, and self-grace is often the toughest form of kindness to master because most people are their own harshest critics, demanding a level of perfection we would never expect of a friend.
When I fall short of my own high expectations—whether in my writing, personal habits, relationships with family and friends, or the goals I set for myself—self-grace serves as the crucial remedy for shame. Guilt might correctly tell us that we did something bad, but shame goes even further and wrongly whispers, “You are bad.” Grace steps in to remind us that we are human. Without grace offering this form of self-kindness, our foundation of self-confidence can become fragile, leading to emotional and physical stress. But by actively choosing grace, we can maintain our self-integrity, allowing us to reset, recalibrate, and try again without the burden of past mistakes holding us back. When we have a healthy level of self-awareness, we recognize our own intellectual, emotional, and physical limits. If we are honest about our own tendencies for making mistakes, we cannot deny the same margin for error to others. In this sense, grace is the ultimate act of intellectual and emotional honesty.
Growing into the “best person we can be” implies a path of continuous improvement. However, growth is rarely linear; it involves loops, plateaus, and declines. Grace is the tool that allows us to navigate those non-linear moments. It provides the “buffer” needed to handle life’s conflicts without burning out or becoming cynical.
Grace as it Applies to STEM Students
Life is full of major shifts, much like a “phase transition” in physics, where something changes from one state to another—think of ice turning into water. You might start with a high-pressure, “solid” focus on career and salary, but eventually, you move to a more “fluid,” rewarding state focused on things like family, helping others (“paying it forward”), or, like me, a personal passion like gardening. This process reveals that your life’s “vector,” with its direction and magnitude (where you’re headed, and how fast you’ll succeed, for example), will change, and it’s completely fine to stop chasing the title of “smartest in the room” and instead aim to be the “kindest” person. Remember that perfection is a myth; it’s unattainable. The real goal, your personal true North Star, is finding internal peace, which comes from aligning your life with what truly matters, not the size of your salary. In fact, this idea connects directly to how you approach subjects like science and math, where precision over performance is key: the integrity of your data and the exactness of your logic are always more important than rushing to an answer.
My Shift in Perspective
“The meaning of life. The wasted years of life. The poor choices of life. God answers the mess of life with one word: ‘grace.’”
– Max Lucado
My perspective on life has changed in the last 10 years. I now find grace in my personal relationship with God. When I recognize and acknowledge the mistakes I’ve made in the past, God’s grace has saved me.
Additionally, I’ve lived enough life to recognize that grace is not the lowering of standards, but the management of the human element required to meet them. For example, I’m currently tackling this massive project of turning my blog posts into a cohesive book, and honestly, it’s a huge challenge. I feel this constant pressure—like trying to maintain a certain “velocity”—that always seems to clash with the reality of writing. There’s a definite mental and emotional “tug-of-war” inside me because I have super high standards. When my progress doesn’t match my own strict deadlines, I now choose to be kind to myself. It’s about remembering that even though I want to finish fast, the most important thing is the quality of the work. I prioritize the quality of work and its concepts since I want this book to be a tool for my grandsons and granddaughter as they enter their middle and high school STEM courses. And sometimes that means slowing down and giving myself a break. Showing myself grace by letting the work rest is essential, because it’s not just about finishing the book; it’s about modeling self-awareness and showing them that it’s okay for “first drafts” to need serious editing—that process is valuable, and having the wisdom to take my time is more important than rushing to be “perfect”.
Conclusion
Grace, combined with wisdom, is the capstone of our personal growth. The major component of wisdom is acknowledging that there is “grace”. Grace in knowing you don’t have to be perfect, that there are many paths to reaching a goal. And, grace in knowing that the goals you have today will be in constant flux as you grow older. But the ultimate goal is to find “peace” in who you are and what is most important to you. Your passions in life will change, as mine have as I’ve grown older. From the goal of career, making the highest salary, being the smartest person in the room, to focusing on my grandchildren, my gardening, and paying it forward through my writing.
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